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Enjoy Adam's newest single for your entertainment. Album out Nov 23rd ( USA)!!!!

Time to move on... Literary !!!

Some of you have heard it, some have guessed it, some of you sms-ed and email-ed me, right after my post about another garage sales in August.

Are you moving?

Will you move house?

Are you moving out from KK or Malaysia?

What's going on with the garage sale , Sandra?

The answer is : yes. We are. But at that time, nothing is certain, so I can't give any more details answers. I most probably said : yes, there is a possibility of moving out, but where, and when... I can't answer that.

There was the agony of feelings every time we move. A bittersweet moments for me , specially.

When you know people, you love the place, you are familiar with all of your surrounding and then you need to move. I know we won't be here forever, but still , when the time come, the feeling kicks in. I still remember exactly how did I feel every single time we knew we need to moved to other place. And I think , it is a good mental exercise for me. What I do first is : To press my feeling for a while, let the facts sink into my mind. Of course there will be sadness ( I was not made of metal , you know! ) I feel specially sentimental for the house. Every time we moved, I feel hard to left the house, it is not our houses ( except for the one in Guang Zhou) but I feel so attached to each house we lived. Specially this one, as we stay in this house the longest and our second baby , Maya, was born and grow up here. And second I feel so attached to my maids. I always feed bad and sad to leave them, and I always try to find them a proper job, with a decent pay and good environment. I feel more sad because now Maya is so attached to my current maid. I feel that, if she will work for someone I know, I can send the girls photos and, sometimes maybe can see each other from webcam. And this time, my sadness is also for our dogs. I really really want to bring them , but the cost, the work, and the place where we are going to must be dog friendly too. So , it is not so easy after all. And if you know a dog lover, I will love to let them adopt one of my dog ( each)

And of course, I feel sad to leave my friends too. But again in this era, we can always keep in touch easily. We can send photos over emails, social networking, blogs. But with maids, they can't afford to have all that kind of access, and so with my dogs!!

So back to the main topic. Where we will move to this time? For that one you will need to stay tune for more details .^_^ . Hints: this is one of the biggest city in Asia, one of the most dynamic, and fast paced. A city of 20 millions people and a city we've been lived before .

What make me excited for this move is that I could share the process with my blog readers. That will be the first time!

To choose this Big City as our next destination was not an easy thing. Me and my husband loves in here in Sabah. The nature, the air, the beaches, the mountains, the life style. It is a good place to raise a family.

Just to share, when we first broke the news to our families and friends about 4 years ago that we are moving to Sabah. Most of the responds are negatives. They just can't get it, why... in the world, we want to move to a smaller scale, much much more quiet, not so famous ( excuse me, not to offend any Sabahan, but every time I said Kota Kinabalu Sabah, they gonna asked me until today, where? near KL? where? hah Borneo? oooh Sarawak that side ah? Near Kuching?) >_<. And trust me, I acted like an angry , offended real Sabahan. And I will start with the KK/Sabah's facts.

My dad, specially, told me that in much smaller cities, there will be much less opportunity for my husband to work. And we knew that. But for the sake of our young children we moved here anyway.

The first time we moved here I was worry that I will be bored , nothing to do, too quiet. But that 's what made me started my online biz. So there is the silver lining in every cloud right? :)

And because of that online biz I get to know many of great ladies. Who share many interest in commons too! Everything is linked and meant to be happen that way.

To be move around so much, also has taught me a good way to see anything from positve and negative side. Every place has it's own good and bad things and so does each person I know!

So despite the good thing about Sabah that we loved , it also has it's downsides . The city is lack of energy, dynamic, and textures. Don't get me wrong, the city has a lot of great potentials but there are not enough effort to make it much much better. The pace is too slow ( and this was the MAIN thing that drove me nuts for the first year we were here) . I felt sluggish, lazy, slow, not enough dynamic for me ( and trust me , I am not the " active type"). That is why, I always try to make effort to gather some friends, to share laugh, to enjoy our selves, to feel closer. I feel like people are living in scattered small groups all around the places. But maybe because I am an outsider here. And actually being the outsider makes me want more to know more people. I dont lock my self in my own "comfort zone".

To our surprise , Kota Kinabalu, is not so small after all. But yet, it is! I am still not use to it when people seems to KNOW everybody here ! In the real meaning! I was like wow! That is not easy! Gossips and rumors will spread like a bush fire here. Every one seems to know each other " history" . Spooky.... :-)

And for me , Moving is another chance to experience live! A chance to learn more. A chance to be humble and less ignorant about others.

Life is like writing a book, Your very own book! There are pages, chapter, and there are the main character(s) .There are the protogonist and antagonist

If you cant change the starting at least we can always change the ending.

This is the story of my life, my journey. Life is never dull , life is never smooth, life is never empty.

Like book, there are some pages you wish to forget and burn, there are some you want to keep forever, there are some pages you want to skip , and there are some pages that is still unwritten....

The change is unevitable, the "fall" will always wait there for us and so are the "up".

Life is rotating like a wheel.... you could be on top today and be on the bottom tomorrow. But the most important thing is our ability to hold on to happiness and to have keep faith!

If a person's inner heart is free from worries,indecision and fear, they will naturally have fewer complaints about the world around them, and their ability to hold on to happiness will also increase. Increasing our ability to hold on to happiness is the greatest thing we can learn" Yu Dan- Confucius from the heart

And for now... I am excited and sad about the move! It is indeed a Bittersweet moment! ^_^

Got her ears pierced!

This suppose to be posted to my facebook only. But then... you know la... hehehe error ( mainly my brain) so it was posted here too!

Yes I just pierced Maya's ears. She's been asking for it for a while. And I kept telling her : It will be painful, you know! She said : I know BAH! ( very Sabahan ) .

So finally we did it. The first left ear, she didn't even cry. But after the second one, she cried. For a while only. I bought her a spiderman balloon. And the rest are history.

I had mine when I was about 11 years old. I went with my sister. I didn't cry though.

What is your ears piercing story?

Moving....help needed

Hi..all

I just got my own domain for my blog , now it is www.2handedoctopus.com.

And due to this, I lost my blog list on the right panel. Please if you don't see your blog on the list, leave comment with your blog address. Or if you want to recommend more blogs just leave a comment too!

Thank you all!!!

Culture shock!

Culture shock refers to the anxiety and feelings (of surprise, disorientation, uncertainty, confusion, etc.) felt when people have to operate within a different and unknown cultural or social environment, such as a foreign country. It grows out of the difficulties in assimilating the new culture, causing difficulty in knowing what is appropriate and what is not. This is often combined with a dislike for or even disgust (moral oraesthetical) with certain aspects of the new or different culture.

Taken from Wikipedia

Phases of culture shock

The shock (of moving to a foreign country) often consists of distinct phases, though not everyone passes through these phases and not everyone is in the new culture long enough to pass through all three^[1]:

• Honeymoon Phase - During this period the differences between the old and new culture are seen in a romantic light, wonderful and new. For example, in moving to a new country, an individual might love the new foods, the pace of the life, the people's habits, the buildings and so on. During the first few weeks most people are fascinated by the new culture. They associate with the nationals that speak their language and are polite to the foreigners. This period is full of observations and new discoveries. Like many honeymoons this stage eventually ends.^[2]
• Negotiation Phase - After some time (usually weeks), differences between the old and new culture become apparent and may create anxiety. One may long for food the way it is prepared in one's native country, may find the pace of life too fast or slow, may find the people's habits annoying, disgusting, and irritating etc. This phase is often marked by mood swings caused by minor issues or without apparent reason. This is where excitement turns to disappointment and more and more differences start to occur.^[3] Depression is not uncommon.
• Adjustment Phase - Again, after some time (usually 6 – 12 months), one grows accustomed to the new culture and develops routines. One knows what to expect in most situations and the host country no longer feels all that new. One becomes concerned with basic living again, and things become more "normal".One starts to develop problem-solving skills for dealing with the culture, and begins to accept the culture ways with a positive attitude. The culture begins to make sense, and negative reactions and responses to the culture are reduced. Reaching this stage requires a constructive response to culture shock with effective means of adaption.^[4]

My Culture Shock' Phase in simple words:

Phase 1: to the opposite of what stated on the "honeymoon" state above, when I first just arrived in new place and culture, I will not have the honeymoon phase. Instead I will have the

" observant" phase.

Negotiation Phase : Yes I do have the negotiation phase , where I start to understand and accepting more about the positives and negatives sides. For instance : When I just first arrived from China to Sabah, I found that the pace of living and working manners here are too slow. ( hello.. China? every country is SLOW comparing to China and everything is so SMALL comparing to China ).And that the people here are not creative enough and they should use their potential more. Also the culture here are very relaxing and laid back. And I didnt understand why people complaint that they said they live far away , while it is actually just about 20 minutes drive?

But I also very much relieve that almost no one spit in the elevator or shopping centre like in China.

Adapting Phase : the easiest phase. I think I also become more laid back, more slow hahahah... and without realizing I also start to say that 20 minutes drives now is FAR according to my standard of timing!!! hahahaha...

But after a few years , normally I will feel so comfortable to be in the host country. Feel really like home. I remember , once, after we come back from holiday, and we arrived in Shanghai, I got this relieve feeling... AAAH..... home.... this city is my home. But I felt weird, and happy at the same time. And then it happens again many times after , no matter where we lived, in Guang Zhou and Kota Kinabalu too. And yes , I have consider Kota Kinabalu part of my home, I got the feeling when I came back here after a trip overseas : aaah.. I am home....and I miss the beach, the weather, the city, even some food.....

May I say : I am a Cosmopolitan?

Cosmopolitan refer to A city/place or person that embraces its multicultural demographics( wikipedia.com)

The inside scoop of the "Expat" life

An expatriate (in abbreviated form, expat) is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country and culture other than that of the person's upbringing or legal residence. The word comes from the Latin ex (out of) and patria (country, fatherland).

This will be a post, about the so called "expat" life. In some term the "expat" can refer to"high end" lifestyle in some countries . The "expat" must live in the "expat" scoop and rarely blend with locals. They kids must goes to International School, buying only imported groceries items, buying only branded clothing and have a chauffeur that drive the family every where.

Others will look at the "expat family" like the V.I.P that can have everything and life looks so easy. Some will pity their kids for keeping moving around and worry that they won't get friends and can't keep up with school, Some will envy them for their lifestyle or the opportunity to see more part of the worlds.

Some will stereotypes the expat wives as the THAI THAI type, do nothing but going to beauty saloon , lunch at the 5 stars hotel, or just sipping a cup of coffee by the prestige member only gym club.

If any of that were those what you have in mind, we as the "expat" for more than 10 years can confirm you that none of that is true , at least not for our family.

It is very interesting to know what people know about " the expat" is very limited. They often forget that we need the legal pass to obtain a temporary living permit here, some case won't allow us to send our kids to local goverment school ( special permit is required) , we need to put money aside for travelling back to our home countries, we do not have any relatives or long child hood friends, we don't know the place or city as much as the local ( obviously), our children don't have any aunts or uncles or other adult figure that can spoil them once in a while,we are not often invited to relatives wedding or cousin's engagement or sister in law's inauguration party, that we rent our house/apartment, and we will not stay in once city or place forever. And the most "shocking" question of all ( that I ever get) is : What kind of nationality do your children have? Chinese/Malaysian ? Just because someone born in one country that doesn't make one the citizen. Citizen always must follow the parents' in most of the cases .

Being "expat" that mean you will not be entitled to certain things in the country you are residing. Like certain contests or activities that only open to the citizen. There are also many bittersweet moments, specially during festive seasons, when we feel the most, we do not have family /relatives here to celebrate Chinese New Year, Christmas, or we miss our best friend's wedding because we are unable to return home

In our case, both of us , never live in either of our home countries ( Italy and Indonesia), so the countries that we've been living are both foreign to us. I know many "expat" married with local , or the opposite that if the wife ( is the expat ) and live int he home country of the husband, and that's make it easier at least there are one side of the family/relatives to give them support or help.

It 's can be quite intimidating to move to a new country , with small children , and no family or relatives , specially if the country is far away from your own.More if you can't speak the local language or read or write and if English is not mainly use there. But as expat wife and mom, it is the main task to solve the "domestic" problem, while the husband is handling with the new job in the new place.

Through the Globalization, the number of expatriate employment are rocketing up . Now a days , the expat from Europe and North America are dominating the United Emirate Arab and The People Republic of China and also the S.E Asia countries.

But some of these expat, decided not to bring the whole family. Due to many reason, one of the most obvious is if the wife has a great career in their country and can't afford to loose the job. Mostly for expat family , they will be just one single income, as dependent pass are not allowed to work by law. So that is why, in most cases , the expat package is higher compare the local counterparts. And due to the must leave the "comfort" zone in their own hometown.

As from marriage point a view. Being "the expat" can either strengthen or weaken your marriage. Being far from either side of family and relatives means that you only have each other to holding on, you are each other best friend in the foreign world. There are no way I could run away for 2 nights to go back to my parent's place because we have a small argument about who forget to turn of the porch's lights the other day.Expat wife doesnt have that " luxury" ok? It will cost a pile of money if for every single small arguments I need to go back to my hometown.

In the more "glamorous" words, the expat wife is the " The Manager", "Personal Assistant", some time even" Translator", " Cheerleader" , "Therapist" ( for the stress and overworked husband) and most of all " The support pillar" . Beside those roles , the wife other roles are: the cook, the laundry lady, the MOM , the driver, the private tutor for the kids, the sexy wife on the bed , and the beautiful and smart wife that he can be proud of to bring to the company annual dinner.

Sound interesting? or scary? At least I try to open up that not all the "expat wives" are tagged with THAI THAI labels.

The ability to adapt is one of the strongest skills the "expat" wife must learn. Either she was born with it or.. she doesn't have a choice. Just take a small simple adapting situation : the house. Housing is the very basic needs of course, we need to have house, most of the time "expat" will rent the accommodation if it is not provided by the company. Depends on the city , country, job position or company rules. In some metropolitan cities the rent could be a whooping rocketing sky. In some quite place the rental could be lower. In some company , they might provide the housing for the staffs inside the company premises ( such if your husband is working for Hotel chains or Resort) . Sometimes we can afford to rent a spacious size of semi detached house ( like our current situation ) but I know, if we move to bigger city, this house would be just a history. In other big city ,with the much more higher rental fee, with the same money , we could only rent a studio apartment or 2 bedroom apartment not in a central area. If I complaint if we live in a small 2-3 bedroom apartment and nag to my husband that I want to rent a bigger house, I don't thing is fair for him. Because , it is unreasonable, to spend , let's say 1/3 of the salary to rental fee. We adapt. We always need to.

During our first year of expat life, we lived in 2 bedrooms apartment, studio apartment, 3 bedroom apartment , and a nice semi detached here in KK. But it doesn't mean that I will not accept to live in the apartment anymore. This is the " Teflon " moment, Either I must cook with it or let it slide. But for me "House is made from bricks and stones, but Home is made by loves and family. And this is what I am doing, as the wife , I am building the HOME for our family, not from the size or price but with loves and warmth . What is for a big , pretty house but filled with anger and loneliness and arguments? I much prefer a small apartment filled with joy, laughter, and happiness.

There are so many other situation that you need to experience it to be able to understand it. Some time the situation or location is not perfect but we must endure it.

It is frustrate me sometimes to see, some women , that doesn't want to compromise for the sake of the husband's better career, those who refuse to move out their hometown , because she doesn't have the mother there, no one help her to take care of her children, or in the new country they can't have their own car and must take public transport or they can't live in the landed property , and must rent the government apartment, or worry for the children being abuse because they are not locals and look different.

During the last 10 years, we live far from our families, far from friends, far from the food that I love, people that I love, I need to get to know new places, new cities, getting to know new people, doing new things, learn new languages.

Do I have any regrets? Absolutely no . I feel so fortunate to be able to know many cultures, it helps me to open up my mind, to gain new respect to certain races and places, to witness many wonderful friendship, and this is what I am telling my children. To see this life as the journey, to see the pages of our life being unfold, to hold the future. I am not gonna say that it is easy, but we will try and to endure and adapt.

It is not the strongest species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change.

- Charles Darwin

Time for Miracles ( sneak peek)

Soundtrack for 2012 movie, Adam Lambert present the single Time for Miracles!
Available on amazon.com by end of this month.

WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Older, Bolder, Wiser, Stronger

It was my birthday recently. And I am hitting the 33rd milestones! WOW! :)

I don't even feel 33. How is 33 old woman suppose to fee?

Anyway it's been a long time since the day I was born back in Jakarta. 3 decades and 3 years. Being the 4th child ( out of 5) in the family, I must said it suits me very well. I am the youngest girl in the family, I have 3 older sisters ( one is a lot more different than the other) , but I still can put out the "bigger sister" rank to my younger bro. Great right? hahaha. I can be the " baby" and " bossy" at the same time.

Being older means being wiser ( hopefully) for me but without losing my "true self". I am still the same person as 15 years ago and today. I've learn a great deal, I saw the pain and the beauty of this life, I feel and stumble, I made mistakes ., I did stupid things, I did childish thing, I said some rude and thoughtless stuffs and even hurt the people that I love.

But I do allow my self to grow and to make mistakes in life. And I allow people around me to have the same right too. Let them grow and make mistakes once in a while. Because you can learn a new knowledge but wisdom must be gain from experience in life. Make the experience or even mistake worth it. Take something good out of the bad thing, always look at the silver lining in the storm.

I feel much more confident in my 30's compare to the 20's . I know more about my self as I grow. I know my strength, and my weakness. And I love my self for the complete package , and yes that include the bad and the good. The cellulite and the stretchmarks, the wrinkles and the cracked heels, the flat nose and the big pores. ^_^ AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH........ :)