Efforts VS Excuses

I just saw a very neat quote ( from children's study room ) that is so simple and yet very inspiring .

Let your efforts rise above your excuses

How simple is it, and yet how true...

It could be use in any part of our life regardless age.

It is very true for students ( even for my daughter Indy's age ).. I want her to make effort rather than to use any excuses ( that the assignment is too difficult, the weather is too cold to run outside, she is too young, or that her reading skill is still limited)

But yet.... since I don't want to be a "talk only mom" who did nothing except preaching their kids, I want to be the mom who is and who always be learning with their kids, and I always told my girls that I  don't always know everything, let's discover and find the answer together, if I know more than them it is because I m much older than them but perhaps when I was at their age, I know lesser than them.

And I think that quote is good for me too ( and  perhaps you too? )

How many times we let our excuses took control of our life? How many time we did not make enough effort to try? 

I had use many excuses too rather that use effort. It is not always easy. The first thing that come in mind for me right this second is when we want to improve our physical health as in dieting. I don't really do diet but I do believe in balance eating. But when we want to try to loose some pounds, often , we use many excuses ( I DID!! :P) But I am doing effort right now, with strong determination to be healthier in and out. ( not just to loose some pounds that I gained over the last months ! :D)

And I really need to use a lot of effort during my homeschool time. How easy it is too slip into temptations and be mad with our children ( as in home school) but again, we need to make effort not just making up excuses!

I do believe in self discipline. I try to teach that for my girls that. I do teach them to pray to ask the strength from God as well, but if we just wait and pray , I think that won't be happening. God wants us to try too!

When I watched the move Eat , Pray, Love , they told the story, which I've hearad before, the story of a man who is praying every day to a Saint's statue every single day . He prayed and asked : please let me win a lottery... please let me win a lottery...please let me win a lottery...... every single day.

Then one day , the Saint's statue had enough and came to live and said to the praying man : please buy the ticket! please by the ticket! please by the ticket!!!

^_^ I do believe in the power of prayer, I do believe in miracle. But that doesn't mean that we just need to sit around waiting for opportunity, chances, friendship, loves, forgiveness etc to come to us without making any effort ....

So  let;s do some effort today and try to make no more excuse!

Good luck for whatever you try to achieve.

XOXO

S.R

Paparazzi

We have a weird experience here in China. As many of foreign faces people ( foreign as in "white"/"western" or other colored skin  people), people like to take picture of my girls . During our recent Expo visit, there were at least ten to 15 people that we noticed keep taking picture of our girls and our friend's son.Some did ask for permission , and some just took their pic, some wanted to take picture together with them. And we were like " uhm??really??"
We are not Brangelina here! While my girls take this treatment quite fine, sometimes they will cover their faces, or run away, sometimes they will pose with them :), and sometimes they will stick out their tongues at them too.

And this "paparazzi" kind of things also happen in the city, when we went out to mall, on the road etc. I am not so comfortable about this, normally I would just ignore them and let them take photos , but to think of it, for the safety of my kids  this thing isn't right. What if they use the photos for some illegal or not proper things? My friends would just tell them off, or take their children away . While , me, being the nice person ( ehm...) still don't have the heart to tell them off , specially if the person look ok and not rough, But to think again appearance can be deceitful right?

Another thing that I really don't like is stranger to touch my girl's cheeks. EUW!! When this happened I definitely would tell them off.  They like to stay " pretty" "cute" and then pinch or touch the girl's cheeks. Once , a man in his 20-30 touch Indy's cheeks and followed her in the supermarket and looking at her in a freaky way. It gave me a creepy feeling and then I told him off and I left my shopping cart and grabbed Indy straight away and left.


What will do you if strangers start to take pics of your children? Should I tell them off?

I have lost nothing indeed....

Hi friends and blogger friends! It's been a while since the last update. I am trying to post as regular as possible, but since I want to keep a " journal" of life and not just a boring " diary/activities " records in my blog, I have to have a " theme" or "Quote" to share, and sometimes it doesn't come easy :). Anyway....here I am now.

Last month, May , has been a hard month for me. My dad was hospitalized and undergoing spinal surgery. He is back in Jakarta now, still recovering mentally and psychically. It's been the hardest time for him as well. We all pray for his strength during this time.

And while I was in Guang Zhou for his stay there, I lost my whole bag in a restaurant too. My, Thanks Goodness, our passport and my mobile was not in there. It is an old scam, but however it worked ( badly) to me! I put my bag on the next chair beside me, and my sis was facing me, and yet we didn't see when it was stolen. And my bag is not tiny , it is big and heavy and yet it was just vanished right in front of my eyes. Could it be hypnotized tactic? or just us being tired, under stress and a lot of things going on in our head that day so we could be easily distracted? Or could it be that one of the staffs in the restaurant is one of the " thieves" team? Well what is gone is gone... I lost cash ( I seldom bring that many cash around normally) , credit cards, ATM cards, Canon camera, Ipod, my watch ( which happened to be repair so I put it inside my  bag ), my make up ( I also seldom bring my make up around but since I practically live switching between hotel and hospital so I bring it with me ). If  I lost ( touch wood) the passports and my mobile it could be much much hassle.

But to think of it, God knows what I need . A good family, my parent's health , my friends and my kids to be around with me . That is the most that I need. The cash could be earn back again, the cards could be replace easily, and before I lost my bag, I got a new bag stand by for me , and my dad even though we never tell him about this incident, he gave me his favorite awesome camera. My nieces will send their old Ipods for me ( yay) . I got a few watches at home waiting for me.

For those who stole my bag,  I could say I didn't lost a thing but I gained something. Something that they can't steal away from me, something more valuable, something to riches my life. For them they might easily sell off my bag, my wallet, my ipod, my camera and my watch for some cash. And who knows how long the money that they wickedly earn could last them.

And during that hard days, my amazing husband who was not with me at that time, showed his support and love, and words of encouragement for me, which mean the world to me. I could not go on if it is not because of him, my dad, my girls , my aunt, and my great sister. We shared our love, joy, tears and laughter together.

And the best thing of all for that day? My father was being baptisted on the same day I lost my bag. I believe that God's plan is always good. Don't you think?

Be discreet

As modern " moms" we need to be updated in new technologies, being in track with the community  , and be fashionable and frugal at the same time, while we need to take care of our family and house.
As those who know me , personally, I am very much like to enjoy the technologies has to offer in this century. But I will not be a technology's victim or slave. I am still the boss :)

I just want to remind fellow bloggers and other social networking sites to be aware of " internet safety" , be considerate of what to share and what not to share. Be discreet ! Some taboo stuffs to share are :
Address, Personal details, School's name or birthday details!

Read here for more details :
http://finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/109538/7-things-to-stop-doing-now-on-facebook

The Bullies

Reading from KhloeK's blog about bullies.

Lately I've been hearing a lot of horror stories about bullying and I wanted to take a moment to vent my frustrations about the issue.  I'm sure most of you have heard about Phoebe Prince, a teenage girl who hung herself after constantly being badgered by kids at school.  I also heard about an eleven-year-old boy who took his life as well after being bullied by his peers. 

And I also heard some stories of bullies in our neighborhood countries . It is not uncommon. Or you even had the experience with your own children.
This is a very serious matter to be consider and for us to speak and help them.

As parent we need to teach our children the importance of being kind, that is why I kep blabbling again and again that good character building is VERY important.
I know we are all so stressed out about the grade, the academic results, but we must also see things from the children side of story. They are dealing much more now a days compared to our old schooling days.
There are academic pressures, parent's pressure, peer pressure and still must dealing with bullies .
The most common also is the " popularity issues" ,mostly happens for girls. When they grow older, there is pressure in fashion ( who can wear the latest and branded fashion) , be popular in school, dating the "it" guy, having the latest cool high tech gadget ( latest phone, Wii, PS3 ). The list are endless.....


What I've seen sometimes is that as parents, we often , can't see that our own children needs help. Sometimes the "tween" age is the age that is tricky, they are not so open with their own parents. Or , they feel , when they said something to their parents, the parents just brushed it aside . Like for example : if a girl  cried for some how a silly thing, the parent often just said : stop crying , you are not a baby anymore, why must cry for such a matter?
The fact is : baby or not, even adult we still cry sometimes.
How can you expect a kid to open up and talk to their parents if the parents just brushed them off like that?
It makes they feel like their problem is not important.


Same like, if the kid wants to talk to their parents about the bullies at school. But the parents just brushed the matter off again.

Also, if the bullies matter is about the race. Please do not make it worse by telling your kids that is certain race is like that. Or make it worst to say that because of their skin color the friends often make fun or her.


I was raised in the biggest Muslim population  country. Trust me, I know what is like to be raised up in a racist environment. Now, however , it is getting better there. And I , as a kid, promised to my self one thing :
Even though sometimes it is hard to be called named of my race , in front of public, and felt really really intimidating, I make a vow to my self that this wont turn be to be one of them /racist. If I have the " revenge" feeling, and I can't let it go, the world won't change to a better place. I need to do what is the opposite of what I've been through. I don't want to have the bitterness to caged my whole adult life. I don't want my kids to grow up as the person I don't like when I was a kid.


So , please , parents , do not raise your kids with your own bitter childhood ( what ever is it , in my case that is racist, some might have been their poverty, very strict parents, broken home childhood etc). Let it go, and make this world a better place , starting with your own family.


If you are the parents of the bullied kids , please take action ! It is not too late.
If you think your kids is having some problem,  please talk to them, heart to heart, as friend, not as parents. Show them that they could talk to you and trust you with that matter. The sad thing is that often parents doesn't know what is going own with their children life.( Specially with older kids , when you feel like you lead your own life and your kids are having their own life and you feel there is some connection missing)
If you think that your kids are the bullies, please talk to them,  teach them to be kind, because knowledge , power, and wealth with no kindness won't take them far.

To the parents of the bullies: Kindness is the #1 lesson to teach your children.

To witnesses of bullying: Intervene, no matter what it does to your reputation!!!

To the children being bullied: Hang in there, things will only get better as you get older.

 

XOXO
S.R

Kindness counts!

If in the public/private school , there are moral or religion subject for the students to learn about being kind.

In the Sonlight curriculum for 2nd grader , we use the bookThe Aesop for children ( apart from the Bible) It has many wonderful classic stories and Indy is enjoying the stories a lot.

There are some of the  morals that we learnt:

Do not let anything turn you from your purpose( The wolf and the kid)
Foolish curiosity and vanity often lead to misfortune ( The tortoise and the ducks)
Do not tell others how to act unless you can set a good example( The young crab and his mother)
Do not attempt the impossible( The Frogs and the Ox)
It is one thing to say something should be done , but quite a different matter to do it ( Belling the cat)
Self help is the best help . Heaven helps those who help themselves ( Hercules and the wagoner)
Poverty with security is better than plenty in the midst of  fear and uncertainty ( The town mouse and the country mouse)
In unity is strength ( The bundle of sticks)
They complain most who suffer least ( The oxen and the wheels)
A kindness is never wasted ( The lion and the mouse)

It is most rewarding when I can spend time with my girls and learn those beautiful wisdom bits together , it reminds me of our adult life. Many adults and even my self , sometimes forget the most simple things.

We often choose to be nice to only certain people, to people who we like, and refused to be kind to those we don't like. But like it said :  A Kindness is never wasted. In the story the  mighty lion would never imagine that one day he will be saved by the tiny mouse !

And other books that we have read together is the Red Sails to Capri. It is a great classic book about the discovery of the Blue Grotto in Capri , Italy. What a coincidence that the first book we read from the curriculum was about Italy! The books tell the story of 4 men looking for : adventure, peace, beauty and knowledge.
And this , I agree. Life is adventure it self, but we must look the beauty in it , sometimes , it lays in front of our eyes but our heart is closed and can't see the beauty in life, and we must find peace and of course knowledge too.

Right now we are reading the second book on the list : The Ginger Pyes .
It remind Indy to Zeina and Bull. :) but she loves the story !

Have a great and healthy week !

The Homeschooling life

I just started for 2 weeks. So I am the bean sprout ( Tao Ge so  and not Tao Ke so) , so tiny, weak, blur, not sure where to go, what to do..... and yet I enjoy it ( at least until now  haha) . I think with HS my life and Indy's life will be more " interesting" and unusual. And I still want to have my social life going on. So I will need to work on that.
I m not the most social person here, but I would love to meet a friend or two at least once a week over coffee or lunch, or do my nails ( oh I think I saw one nail saloon in my neighborhood so yipee to that)

Yesterday was the first HS meeting for my area of the town . There are 3 HS supporting group here. 2 on the other side of the city ( one is for younger kids and one is for older one) and there is one on my side of the city.  They are mostly Americans with one or 2 British families and one from New Zealand and Canada too.

They've been very welcoming and supporting . And I am sure I will have tons of questions to them.  Some are " veteran" in HS. They homeschooled since forever. And one mom homeschooled 5 kids ! YUP 5!!...

So that is inspiring to me . Very inspiring indeed! I was like a lazy potatoes comparing to them. They are the true super moms. I need to send Maya to pre school, so I can concentrate to HS Indy peacefully. But the good thing is that , well, I think they don't judge me for that. There are other moms too with same situation with me, and need to send the youngest one to pre school. I've been very honest to them and told them that two kids at home is too much for me at the moment, with the changes of everything and HS thing. I just couldn't handle that much at the moment, so the best solution is to send  Maya to preschool. And they said if that best for me than I should do that.No preaching.

The group meeting is once a month.2 hours. The first our is the parents section while the children will enjoy an hour of sport with a coach. Then the next hour  is for the kids' activities. Mainly they will have some theme . Like this time was "show and tell" where the children show an item or two, can be anything. Some show a new digital camera, their lego, buggy board, t-shirt, Indy show her telescope. The next meeting will be for Chinese New Year theme I guess.

The group main purpose is to give encouragement and support to HS parents . And also to share about where to buy things like books, art supplies, and also do co op for buying bulk for books,  and find contact and information about where to find certain activities ( piano lesson, mandarin class, art n craft etc). They will arrange field trips in Spring , parties, and other activities. I think it is great, to not to feel left out of social life just because they are homeschooled.

Oh and don't think that the HS moms have no life, They are still active in bible study, going to gym , doing grocerries and looking great. I wonder how will I do that ? hmm.......

And for Indy's age group, soon there will organize a weekly meeting based, to do some science project as group, or just outdoor activities, or even art and craft sessions. And all are based on parents contributions and ideas. We still need to talk and plan for this one. And Im thinking if I can find on how to make  stimulation of Volcano's erruption from used paper over the internet, that would be fun !! :)

Right now , we are a bit too late to join any class . But in March Indy would love to join some sport's group ( she got Trampoline and Multisports or Gymastic in her mind) , I offered her to join ballet class but she refused. I also asked her if she 'd like to join  Fine Art class or Design and Technology class, to my surprise she choose the design and tech over fine art! This will also start in March ( due to the CNY holiday and we were late to register so better to wait) . The class sound very interesting , they will make 2 projects on each term ( 8 weeks) and they will make Plane( that can fly I think) and Castle ( with tiny details like lights,crane, well etc) so actually it is Science based but in a fun way ! Sounds pretty fun to me!

Right now im still finding our way to do HS that will work best for me and Indy. Balancing time for fun ( and blogging and facebooking too) .

wis me lak

Just to share....

Enough with our updates for the moment . My blog will be more than our updates. :0) later you all will be bored with our updates :)

Well I also want to share about what I see in life and beyond who knows it might be useful for others.Right now I am in the middle of changes. I will not say it is a big change. But a medium one.When I first came to Shanghai back in 2001, it was much harder. I didn't speak or read or write and I didn't know a single soul.

This time, at least , I can speak, and read a bit. And it helps A LOT! I also know more or less about the city.And I still have friends here, and thanks to facebook and online chat we are still in a good contact with each other.

Some times we always try to fit in to the society. Try to be liked by most of the people. We create our " image" for others to see. Our ego is taking control.

I never try to fit in to any society. Since I was young I know what I want, and I never be the followers. I mean if I like it I willl follow, But I will not choose or doing something I was not sure about just to FIT IN.
In College years, almost all of my friends are smokers. I could be one too. But I know clearly what I want, and I did not try to be accepted in their group by being a smoker. Untill this day I never smoke and happy with it but I got no problem with those who does.

Since I was young , I know my limitation and expectation quite clearly. I know I can't work sit in the offfice from 9 to 5 or do "paper"job. I like job that allows me to meet people, interact with people and allows me to travel. That is why I choose to study in Hotel and Restaurant Management. I knew excatly what kind of man I would marry one day. I can't have a 'static" life, where my husband will just sit in front of TV during his off or holiday or just take me to malls and malls. I just couldn't. I know I want someone exciting, some one adventurous, spontanious,some one that can challange me, some one that can say no to me instead of yes all the time.And I also know, when I want to do something, I will do it if I have the passion for it.

Right now , most of people we know here are stunned with our decisions to home schooled Indy. And I got plenty of "blank faces" responds :). It is  less travelled road we've choosen, so the reactions are "normal". Just like when I started to Cloth Diapered Maya or breastfeed my girls until they were over 2 years old .But then again, I am not always a crowd follower, so I am used to this reaction.

Most of the time, I try to concentrate of what I am doing . Like when I run my online store, I know enough about other online stores, but I m not " obssesed" to the details or what they are up to,  or what is the latest " blog wars" etc.  I do what I need to do .And let others to comment what they like, it is their rights to do so.

" A thoroughbred horse never looks at the other horses. It just concentrates on running the fastest race it can"

I never think if I have more or less than others in life. I am content whith what I have.
And I never allow my self to have a big ego , because big ego never bring you any where but downhill. Never think you are a big fish in a small pond, because when you think like that, you will drown and lost once you move to the ocean and see the real big fish there. We will never learn anything positive if we keep thinking that we are better than other people.

Changes is not always easy but if we are sure about ourselves and know what we want in life , I am sure we can handle it gracefuly.Trying to fit in is not always needed. Love yourself, be your self and don't care too much with what other think.

Image is what people think we are  but Integriy is what we really are 

I choose Integrity over Image, how about you?

It is official... we are moving( back) to Shanghai!

Yes, it is official. We will relocated to Shanghai, China. We've been there from the 2001 ( 2 years after we got married) until 2004( by the time Indy was 2 years old). Indy was also born in Shanghai.

It is a plus that we've been there before, so we know the city, and I got some friends there, and at least this time, I won't be struggle too much in the language department ( oh trust me I will still have a few problems, but at least I can tell which one is the black vinegar and which one is the soya sauce)

Being here in Sabah for almost 4 years, and we are used to the lifestyle here, it will need a quite amount of adjustment to be able to settle back in Shanghai. We will be living in the middle of concretes jungles, massive development of the city, a heavy traffics, million of bicycles , and just in among of 20 million people.

Just to share a few facts of Shanghai

Shanghai (Chinese: 上海) is the largest city in China, and one of the largest metropolitan areas in the world, with over 20 million people.^[5] Located on China's central eastern coast at the mouth of the Yangtze River, the city is administered as a municipality of the People's Republic of China with province-level status

This is the famous "Shanghai Bund" on the West Side /PUXI,where the history began, the building are all historicals and now it's hosting many of world's big company and the high end restaurants and hotels.

Shanghai literally means : Shang ( up) Hai ( Sea). Shanghai is mainly divided into 2 parts by The Huang Pu River. The west side knows as PU XI ( literally means west of the Huang Pu river) is the "old" Shanghai. Where it was all begin. And there is the PU DONG ( the East side of the river) , the "new" Shanghai. Where 2 of the world's tallest building stand tall.

And this is the "new" Shanghai on the East side of the river. This one is the old pic I think, since the World Financial Tower is no where in sight

The last time we were there, we lived in the PUXI, but this time, due to my dh job location , we will live in the PUDONG. Where they are building like mad, to anticipate the World Expo 2010. In fact my dh's new job will be in the Expo's site.

The "Pudong CBD also knows as Lu Jia Zui , which is the host to the Jinmao Tower and The World Financial Tower is on the back ground of this photo.

There a few things I don't like there , the major is that the government has blocked the access to facebook, youtube, and blogspot ( that is the main reason I got my own domain) . There are "a few way" to get the access and I will figure it out once I am there. Also the censorship for the TV, movies, magazines and stuffs are so annoying.

Thinking of it , we had a great 4 years time in Sabah, like a good "break" from the hectic life and busy city to a laid back city, relatively no traffic , and with a good nature. Now, time to go back to "rumble" in the big city:) . The "break" for us is the living wise , not for working wise for my husband ,as I believe, he can consider here to be the most frustrating place for him to work so far.

We've been browsing a few apartments to consider ( my favorite part of moving is the house hunting ^_^) : the area, and of course must be within the budget. Don't be surpirse if we will be end up living on the 30th floor of a 50th floors building. And if the compound consist like 5-8 blocks of the 50th floors building! :p But we also found a lowrise duplex apartment which also have a backyard. But we need to find something nearer to both of my dh working place and for me to do groceries too. We will see how it goes later on. Now we are just ( well I am )..just having a good time looking at the photos of the different units, and man....some of it are great! Some has the great kitchen ( double doors huge fridge!!), some has the wonderful bathroom ( with LCD tv inside !!) and Jacuzzi too. Drooling.....:)) hahhah...

Back to the reality... now we need to do the legal documentation first. And sorting stuffs ,pack , sort, pack, and sort and pack.....

SELAMAT HARI RAYA IDIL FITRI 1430 H, MINAL AIDIN WAL FAIDZIN to all Muslim friends !!

Just to share

These are the photos my dad took on Sunday ( 1st Syawal) morning during sholat Ied in one of the big " mesjid" near by parent's home in Jakarta.

My father always go there each year during sholat Ied to take picture ( his hobby)

He said he likes the feeling of the love between the people be in Muslim and Non Muslim.

He normally will chat with some of the people. And there is no sign of racist and trashing other religions at all. Which is a good example for us.

Indonesia as we all know is the biggest Muslim country in the world. But there are also Christian/Catholic, Buddhist, Hinduism.

The country , like most of the countries in the world,is still struggling do erase racism ( to erase it 100% seems to be impossible right now) but I think to be able to share one of the most important day for other religion in peace and love is a good start. It is must start with each individual.

My dad taught me to see beyond the horizon and to love beyond the boundaries.

And I believe when we see the world with an open heart, we will capture more loves.

I hope you enjoy the beautiful pictures.

Photoshops : Blessing or Cursing?

The controversy of the week , look at this photo of Twiggy below as the face of Olay. She is 59 years of former Supermodel.

And this is still Twiggy in her real life.

Another hot topic is from SELF cover magazine of Kelly Clarkson

And this is how she looked just a few days before the magazine hit the new stand.

And remember my old post about Kim Kardashian's photos ?

And here is her respond to it :

While photoshopping is a great way for digital imaging industry, I wonder , does it got more harm that good ?

I am all agree when it is used to enhanced the background , make the photo more stand out, and special , like these ( taken from benny's blog):

But how if the technology is used to create the perfect image , and to create unrealistic figure and made many of us feel bad about ourself (specially teenagers) and more mature women are dying to have more and more plastic surgeries to look younger and younger like the celebrities .

There goes the many cases of bulimic and anorexic , many are cases are even taking the life of the young ones.

What is the limit ? And where to draw the lines? For me as long as the " correction " is not too much , that should be fine and as long as they don't use it to sell "certain" image or products with the photoshoped images.

And I wonder , how does it feel to the celebs ( like Kelly Clarkson here) to see that her body has been "corrected" or " airbrushed" but she knows that is not the real her. And what kind of message will be send out to the fans out there?

And I wonder how real is these photos ( and many other photos from the slimming centres).Can you really trust the before and after picture in this digital era? I am sure Christy Chung has reclaimed her figure back. But how much? As much as the photo below? Or do you think the digital technology had something to do with it? ( beside the hours of profesional hair and make up)

Photoshop is an art, I love to learn it myself just for my personal fun. I want to see how will I "look" to be perfect. To have the high nose, defined cheek bones, fuller lips. Six packs abs? WOW.... it's a dream came true.

So ladies... if you have the bad hair day, bad skin day, bloated day, big pores, chubby chin, or just saw your not so good photos. Be happy. Well , we do not have special trainer, gourmet chef, nutritionist , personal stylist or a professional make up artist/hair stylist to help us getting ready or put a look together. And our photos are all un-touched and un-airbrushed!
If we had all of that, sure we can also look like the glam up celebs.

So we don't look bad after all !

Have a Fun-taboulus week!!!

What defines sexy?

Please note this post will contain adult language and not suitable for underage children.

Sexy is the physical attractiveness ( mostly to opposite sex). If you ask around there are unlimited definitions of sexy. But most of the time it will associate with the physical appreance of some one.

And yes most of the time the size of breasts, and the amount ( or lack of amount) of clothing make people determine the sexiness.

But it is true? For most of us , we will say NO. Because what defines sexiness is the attitude. Imagine if one woman who has lack of confidence and dressed up in little black dress, but she feels shy and hunched her back all the time. That is not sexy, sexy comes with confidence.

Sex appeal is something that someone has, that make him or her attractive. But mind you, Sexy for my term is not Trashy or Slutty. So it is the attitude and the way some one presented him/her self.

The sexiness in woman has something to do with what she wears. But doesn't mean that she must show as much as skin as possible or show more cleavage that she possibly could. Of course men will favor that very much :) . The real sexiness in woman for my personal opinion is when someone dress up with a decent amount of clothing but yet she can ooze the sex appeal with class. Someone who doesn't to show their "asset" too much or being look so cheap and desperate to impress the opposite sex.

We also need to be more considerate on what to wear and where to wear it. A micro mini skirt dress for a wedding dinner might not be a good idea. That is more like a hooker at the wrong place and at the wrong time . ( Ha ha ) .

Being married and being over certain age, that doesn't mean we can't be sexy or look sexy. The trick is that to look sexy without being trashy. Or in appropriate for certain age.


And yes women with larger bosoms might want to be extra careful. Specially in Asia. That doesn't mean you must hide it. But be more considerate not to "flash" it and send the wrong vibes to the (pervert)men out there. Yes those who talk to the breasts rather than to the face. My bosoms size has reduced due to 2 pregnancies and breastfeeding. So I don't have to deal with those pervert breasts obsessed men out there! ;)

Hey but those with much more flat bosoms , that doesn't mean you can't be sexy. You can be sexy as well. I know many woman with smaller breast still can look sexy , So flaunt it ladies!:)

It is easy to look sexy with a much daring clothing to get attention. Have you ever see in the mall , some women put on the rarely there short pants and is actually racing up with their undies, and it made you wonder, is it panty or is it a pair short? is it there or is it not? But I appreciate someone who can dress decently, but yet being ultra sexy at the same time. Those with long pants, or knee length skirt, a extra cool top, or just plain t shirt but the sexiness never leave them . ( thinking of Angelina Jolie?)

My personal style of sexy has nothing to do with show off a lot of skin. I like simple white tank top with skinny jeans and killer heels. I don't need to be in a skimpy , strapless, mini dress to feel sexy. A messy hair can be sexy, even a short hair can be sexy, or long tousled hair as well. A bare face can be sexy and so does the smoky eyes, or just simple daring red lipstick or even just a pedicure can be sexy. even woman in man t-shirt can be sexy too, and pregnant woman can be sexy as well.



What is your sexy style ?

Finding Common Interest

So I was watching some of reality show these past few weeks. I admit I am a entertainment junkies ( from TV programs, magazine and all). But I also get to know the positive side of life and try to learn something out of it.

If you know , the Keeping up with the Kardashian and if you follow the episode, Sometimes it has nothing to do with our lives ( the big house, high end life style ) but yet, there are some thing that we as human being have in common.
I watched the episode where Kris ( the mom ) and Bruce ( dad/step dad of the Kardashian) getting into much arguments and they felt like they can't do something fun together anymore. Kris is much more out going, free spirited , cool mom , that still like to go to pub with her girls. While Bruce is the typical stay at home man, the complete opposite from Kris.

So what do we have in common? I think this is the most common problem most of marriage couples are facing. While dating or pre marriage suppose to be " fun" "romantic" " poetic" ....etc you name it! But then do all of these need to be wash away or neglected when we got married?
Where is the fun? Where is the romantic? and poetic? ( oh dont make me threw up , please!)
Do we change after married? really?....

I must admit, there are times that my husband really get on my nerves!!! And while some of us can take a break by going back to our parents house, well that is not an option for me. So from the starting, when we faced problems , or heavy arguments , we still need to be in the same place or room ( except of course while he is working)

There is one conversation between Kris and Bruce that really made me laugh, because I am soooo related to that. Kris said that the PR company will send a limo and a driver for them to go to the club ( part of Kim K's promo ) so Bruce refused to go , he prefer to be at home and then said, why they must send a limo? He wanted to drive there ( I think he feels safer if he drives so that he can" run"when he wants too) So Kris answered : so what? let them pick us. Petrol is expensive now. Then Bruce said : oh yeah ? So Petrol is expensive huh? But so does the earrings that you wear ,honey! That is expensive! HAHAH... how classic !! I often "trapped" in this situation with my dh , which I normally named " the salah cakap" situation .

So they both trying to meet in the middle of the circumstance and tried to find some activities that they still can enjoy together ( without the kids)

I totally agree for this, a couple time, an adult time. We often neglected that as marriage couple, as parents. Our activities are evolve around the children, Which I also agree , but... being married and being parents doesn't mean we must be those boring couple. Those couple who just run from errands to errands and bills to bills. We need to step up and we must think we also deserve to have some fun too.

It is ok to keep our kids with our parents on the weekend for a few hours, or with other trusted relatives/ friends, or here in most of the case, almost everyone have maid or nanny. While those who are abroad can hire baby sitter . Remember happy couple makes happy parents and happy parents make a happier children too!

I am not a night person ( night as in 2-3 am ) nor a clubbing type of gal ( I never was, you can say I am the boring type of girl). Not saying that I don't like a clubbing woman or mom. But it is just not me, I am more into a nice wine and dine, a good music in the lounge , movies , sunset dinner or anything like that. Dancing on the bar top and loud music and a lot of booze? hmm not so much..

Though I must admit, I curfew-ed my self. Mostly up to 11- midnight at the most! Because I feel guilty to think that my maid is all alone to take care of my girls even though they are a sleep but knowing my maid she won't sleep until I come home.I keep telling her to sleep near the kids room ( since her room is separate from our house) , but she just can't sleep well until I come home. So that's why I don't like to go out late.

Me and my husband like to have a quiet dinner once a week just two of us, or go to movies. Just to catch up. So most of the time the day will be for family and evening for us. Once in a while we go to have a drink and catch late dinner during weekdays if his schedule permits.

I love to get the chance to dress up and put on make up, do my hair, wear my heels and just to be "pretty". Imagine if my dh must see me every day in the morning with pyjama and very casual clothes and then when he is arrive at late night after work , I am back to pyjama again. So when he got the chance to see me pretty?

But of course if you look at us, you can tell that we ARE married ( for 10 years!! >_<) It is SO obvious. If we were at the cinema, we can certainly tell those the " still on dating" type and " the just married " type and " the oh so married type". We don't hold hands any more, some times only, and those lover seats in the cinema? It was a nightmare for married couple or should I say for us? LOL at least My dh hates it! He said to me : "We are married , ok? We have all of our time together at home in our room, those people who take lover seats are still dating and got no other chance to be so near!" hahaha... which is true but relax!!! The other thing that distinguish us from the "dating" couple is when I asked " so who is that guy? where is the bad guy? what she's doing there?" . Dating couple will explain "oh honey , that guy is ........" If us? huh my dh will say " you watch movie but still can't understand it? you still can't figure out the story is it?"

T_T

T_T


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Anyway......I think it is important to keep being couple, as well as it is to be parents.

So what is your common interest as a couple with your husband and wife?

The art of the communication

Have you ever be in a situation when you need to give advice but it might hurt the other's people feeling? Like if a friend asked you for fashion advice for example but you truly think she doesn't look good in that particular pants ( that draw more attention to her curvious lower bottom part)?

So these are the options :

To tell her the truth and might hurt her feeling ( hey your butt look huge in that pants! you look like a clown in the horror movie!) or

you can lie because you hope she just bought that and finish the long dragging shopping trip ( wow it suits you very well! )

or you can be honest and diplomatic at the same time ( and said : you might want to consider to try other pants? Maybe it will suit you better)

Or have you ever be in situation when you got a piece of your lunch stucked in your tooth. Then some friend come to you and said it to you in a way that made you feel very bad and so embarrassed and self conscious after that? And then in some other time, the similar thing happens ( ok maybe this time you got lipstick smear on your tooth) and another person told you but the way she told you make you feel so comfortable and make it looks so normal?

So THERE ARE options to say certain things in a nicer way.That doesn't mean we need to be a push over and agree ( or not agree but we just keep quiet ) with everything other people suggested or said. There will always be disagreement, dislikes , argument, honest advice that might hurt. But we must always try to avoid to being rude in certain situation (there is exception of course)

I always say : the truth is painful. But I think that is not necessary need to be said in a hurtful way. I always believe in IT IS HOW YOU SAY IT NOT WHAT YOU SAY.

Do you ever know someone who got the charisma and the one that can influence others by just talking? Even that this person give an simple advice we can be totally drawn by it. That is someone who born with the communication talents. But communication skills is also something someone can learn or should I say must learn? Some times we didn't mean too be rude , or sometimes we are maybe just too over sensitive. But there are some people who can really make other people feel bad all the time no matter what they said. And on the other hand there are some people that can give critics in a gracious manners.

In this day, in the industry , communication skills play an important roles in business and marketing. Taken from here. See how this 2 sentences with same meaning can be deliver in much more positive manners

“Use sunscreen to help your skin stay healthy.”

“Without sunscreen you increase your risk of developing skin cancer”

or in daily cases how do you feel if someone from cosmetic counter approaches you and said :

Sales girl #1 :

" tsk tsk... your skin so dull and lack of lustre....you need to use this cream"

or

Sales girl #2:

" you can add lustre to your skin and it will look much healhtier , this cream will help that"

Which one will make you feel more comfortable and can persuade you to buy the cream? I would go to sales girl #2!

My dad who has been in retail business all his life , gave me a very great advice when I started my online store , he said, if you explain your products to a customer you will need to explain in a certain manners , a respectful manners without making someone feel bad or show to people that you know MORE than them. Tell them in much comfortable way, explain the products in way that will make them feel that it is ok for them to ask you more questions , and that is part of your job.

This happened to me many times, New moms to Cloth Diapers asked me the same questions again and again ( the best one I can remember now is : Can I re-use the pocket diapers and just insert the new insert instead?) . So here again I choose between :

" Of course can not lar! The pocket diapers is dirty already ! How can you use that again ???) or

"It is not recommended because the urine already passed through the liner so it will be healthier if we change every thing every 3 hours"

And there are many other more examples. The other tricky situation is " email " or " chat" form.
I always feel that I must be extra careful of what I type during chatting or emailing. Because from one sentence , it can be read and interpret in many different way, For instance:
Of course I do that, I knew it ,but still he won't listen..
You can read this sentence in : angry tone, insult tone, mellow tone, or even a giving up tone.

I admit some customers can push me to the limit. But this is part of what I do, and when I can't say anything nice to them ( or replying their email) I rather don't say anything and come back to reply their email when I cooled down.

Me and my siblings often got misunderstood in emails. So that is why we need to choose the proper words and use the sentence wisely.

So this is an " ART" that we need to master it. I still failed from times to times but I try my very best. And I make sure that if it is necessary I can be quite strict and be sarcastic as I could be to someone who I think would deserve it. But I won't hurt some one close to me. The last person who I want to hurt is my close friends, and my own family.

Some times even with our own spouse we tend to be rude , we also need to learn the art of communication with our patner no matter what. Marriage without 2 way communication skills will die in no time.

So let's learn the art , shall we ladies ( and gentlemen)? CHEERS!

The Millennium Life

How many of you own all of these gadgets :
Mobile phone with or without 3G , Email(s) account, or : Friendster, Facebook, Blog(s),Twitter , Personal Computer, Notebook ?

We can't deny that living in the modern world is great. I love gadgets. I can't go out without my mobile phone. Can you? I mean about 10 years ago, I can't go out without my watch. But now who need watch (if you forget it) if you can bring your mobile phone? You can keep track of time from your mobile, and of course make phone calls, texting, write down notes or shopping list, I don't even use alarm clock anymore, you know it is annoying to wake up to the RING RING RING sound. Why use the alarm clock while you can set your mobile phone into alarm and you can wake up to any songs that you like ( just download it!) . I wake up to Robert Pattinson " Never think" lately and this morning Adam Lambert's "Mad World" serenaded me and welcome the new day a head ( or going back to sleep ).

Let's see what else we can do with the mobile phone? We can check the calendar, write down agenda, we can type documents, oh and don't forget the calculator function too ( that is important when you share lunch's bill with your friends, to avoid any embarrassment because you can't divide RM 73.50 by 3). And if you have the more advance mobile you can check emails, do video calls ( where I can let my girls to see their Dad's face so can he), go online, do internet banking, mobile blogging and hey don't forget to update your Facebook's status too! Oh and how about uploading mobile's photos and MMS-ing the photos seconds after it was taken to my family all over the world? ( Hmm... now I know why my monthly bill is high!)
So how does this gadgets affect how our life? I must say, it affect me in a good way ( I hope or I think so..or hmm wait.. is it good way?) Let's see.....
Ok now how about e-mails : I have at least 4 accounts. Wait no ....I have 5 accounts! Am I nuts? FIVE?? Well I have my reasons :). Back to the topic, emails is un-dispensable these days. I can't imagine world's without emails. It makes my personal and professional life much much easier.I can send my digital pictures instantly via emails, or post it to facebook and blog.

Internet : oh... the list are endless , online shopping, blog hopping, internet banking, youtube( LOVE this, I can see all the interview of various program that are not shown on the TV), check cinema online, go to Wikipedia , download musics, find children games. The list goes on and on.
Through sms-ing lately, me and a coupe of other friends were thinking : why is it that if we don't have internet for 2 days it will be a disaster? And while our husbands go to outstation for 2 days , we can't even feel it? Do we love internet more ?:P If my internet line got problem I would freak out in no time and I am not joking! What??? no internet for 2 days?? OH nooo...
When dh said : I will go out of the down for 2 days.... Oh Ok then See ya!!!

hmm...

The next is :
Chatting ( MSN, YM, Skype) oh man! love to chat! I can do conference's chat with my high school best friends in Papua New Guinea , San Mateo , California. We chatted and chatted like the old days. Alot of laughter , and while doing so, I updated my status in Facebook : Chatting with my B%*$H*S.... So another friend in Jakarta read in and then she just need to wrote in to my "wall" : HEY!!! Let me join , Boss is away now, miss u gals!So the conference chat now became merrier! HAH!And while doing so, I didn't go out a step a far from my comfort zone at home , in front of my pc. And so did my friends. It was just like the "virtual" version of the episode of Sex and the City.
And I chat , almost daily with my dad too! And of course with my sisters as well. And my friends ( some blogger friends / customers )

Then the blogs....if you read this by now, most probably you also have a blog or blogs. And I think it is nice to keep on blogging. It helps me to know ( or you to know) that other people also share the same struggle or ideas in live. When you feel like you failed as a parents, you read other's mom blog , and she feels the same way like you, so it's somehow help you to deal with your stress... I am not all alone in all of these mess!
And there are the "virtual" social networking. Latest deal is of course " FACEBOOK". Hmmm FB!!... It is addicting isn't? When the first I joined " Friendster " I was like soooo impressed that I can find my old friends again. And now same in the Facebook.
I can see the photos of my friend's newborn baby in Hong Kong just hours after the delivery, I can read other's mom status that she was in the labor room and ready to pop ( facebook mobile, darlin!). And I could see that my other friend just got engaged, Divorce, got new hot boyfriend, or the kids are having fever ( again) all in the page! It is much easier to keep it with other's people life like this.

And then there is " TWITTER" . YUP!! That's the Twit! I am on Twitter too so that you know ! HA...But mainly I use twitter to "stalk" celebrities , follow the news. I never would imagine , 14 years ago , that I will play a guessing game with Jordan Knight on Twitter. WHAAAT????/ Yup... you read that right! He likes to post some questions and me ( and thousands of other people) will try to answer it. No prize but hey... he is Jordan K from the NKOTB. Ok.. playing guessing with some celebrities on Twitter won't boast up my C.V or increase my salary if I apply for job , but hey: It is FUN!
I can read Paula Abdul's status that she was on the AI 's rehearsal show, and I know that Mike Tyson's girl has died because of the accident , the same second as Ryan Seacrest posted it on his Twit. And yup he is in LA and I am in Sabah!

But then... how much is TOO MUCH??

Does this Millenium things has turn us up to an anti social?
We need to have limit the time we spend for virtual stuffs.
While texting is really convenience , but a call for a close friend will mean much more.
While sending virtual gifts ( flowers, hatching eggs, handbags , make ups or just virtual Latte) are fun, but inviting your friends for a cup of REAL coffee at your place with some homemade "ubi goreng/fried sweet potatoes" or "pisang goreng/fried banana" or just some homemade doughnuts will better.

While following other , either at Facebook or Friendster or Blogs, once in a while , a real " meeting" over lunch or family outing are important too!

But still our virtual life can help to " heat" up our real conversation. For instance , if you read my blog or I read your blog, I know what's going on with your life lately, so we can discuss it more on the real life meeting ( hey where did you buy those make ups? or hey how are your kids? or have you find a new job yet? how is your new job doing? or Congrats on your new baby/job etc etc.

Reading other's problem in their blog help us to review our mistakes and ideas in life. Sharing in loving....

But again... what to share and what not to share..... this is yours to decide. I know my limit. I think, again I think... my real personality might be not as you imagine when you read my blog, but I think I am not much different in person. Will be a bit more quite or more chatty depends on my mood :)
But personal life or problem's , will be filtered here. Since this blog is for public to see. The reason is obvious : Privacy.

Last couple of weeks I read one of my guy friend's status on FB : Honey, let's sleep now and make 2nd baby?

Me: Is he serious??? C'mon!!!!! People can read that! They live in the same house...
What is the purpose? Want to let the friends know that he LIVE with the wife or that HE can SLEEP with the wife?

That could be a joke, maybe it was me that think that is just too much.

Sharing that you are in the mall, eating lunch, getting haircut, stuck in your in law's , that are fine.
But again.... this virtual life style need to be limited. As fun as it is to play the games , waiting for those eggs to hatch, or to the harvest those corn on the farm, we still need to spare our time to play real games. At our house : water balloons are the most current popular game between our girls. Last month Indy was in love with monopoly and before that the Twister.

I still manage to make some home made doughnuts, and share it with my neighbors, , sipping cup of coffee with friends in our living room.

I read on the news that some moms send sms to their teenager : dinner is ready.. come down...
Or post in the FB's wall : hey honey, you forget to take your medicine.

hmm... I must be aware to not turn into that kind of Millennium mom!

So who is up for tea time at my place? Time and Date? hmm wait let me see.... I will tell you right after I finish the quiz I am doing right now in Facebook...
Just check my status on FB later and just leave comment if you can come, or text me or email me or just put comment on this blog...or you can also "twitt" me!

*wink*

The grass and the flowers, which one is your child?

This will just a blabbing post about children. I saw this articles from Learning beyond schooling
and surprised about how homeschooling in Indonesia has been so inspiring now days.

The man behind all this is Seto Mulyadi, and he is a man with passion towards children education. I know him since I was a little girl. He wrote children songs, he is support the anti children abuse association and now he is support home schooling too.

This quote, I really like :

'Children are not grass that they can be cut to the same height. Children are just like flowers, they are different from one another.'

Seto Mulyadi, Asah Pena

And it reminds me that I must not treat and expect my kids to be the "stereo typye" for that age /gender. Because every child is unique.

Speaking of unique, even our family is not the same from others. Being the " expat" in "other" people country sometimes might not be too much fun for the kids. They do not have their grandparents here, so they can't visit or spend the weekend over the grannies place. And they don't have their uncles, aunties, or cousin to play with. They can't attend their cousins birthday parties, can have sleep over with them too.

But I told my eldest , that the way our family is. We can visit and meet her grandparents once or twice a year. But doesn't mean that we are not family anymore. She understands and accepts it nicely :).

I also told her that some family maybe just consist of a mom and the children. Other might be just with their grandparents while the parents are working some where far. Or maybe other children only have their dad around without their mom. But that doesn't make them less than a family.

As for the young one, Maya, for her that is normal. She got Pho pho and kung kung in Jakarta, and the Nonna and Nonno in Italy. That is just so natural for her. I think it has something to do with how , us, as the adults see life , if we see that our life is sad because we do not have our families here, then our children will think like that as well.

We've been friends which mostly are Indonesian , or other "expat" families during our years back in China, and me and my friends kind of support each other. We were pretty close and spent a lot of good time together, because we want our kids to be exposed to other families as well , but since we do not have our own siblings there, we still want our children to have other "adult" figure that they can feel close too, we were like the other "pillars" their children can lay on to.

I think it is healthier for children to have other " grown up " figures that they can related too, like aunts, uncles, older cousins, or grandparents .

And then the other things is about their appearance as well. We never want to emphasized that they are different because they "looked" different or that because their father is"different" or we are "different".

So for them , they are NOT different at all. Which is exactly the way I see my husband and my children .

When someone , who also happened to have children with mixed background or race, told me that they are worry to send their kids to any local school because the other children might make fun of the child because the child came from a mixed race/culture, I was stunned. It never occurred at all in our mind. They want to send the children to the place where they are also other mixed children or white people there.

Children are mean, they said. And since our children are different, they will be the main target at school , so we want a special school for them.

But again, mean children are everywhere , Not just at school. They can opt for homeschooling of course if they want too, but then how about when the children go outside in the neighborhood? play with their cousins? will they be mean too?

Ok... but remember ADULTS are mean as well!! Or...should I said adults are meaner?

We can't protect our children all the time for the rest of their lives, or can we?

Even if I could, I won't choose that , what they called it " cotton wool parenting" or the over protected children.

The children need to deal with the crisis in their life, but not by avoiding them. If so, they will turn out to be a "denying" adult, instead of facing and solving the problem, they will only depends on other to solve their problem ( like their parents?) for the rest of their life? and denying the problem and run away from reality over and over again.

I'd like to be the supporting parents, by the meaning that I would like to see my children to try to solve the problem on their own, or asking me advice for some, they might fail as well, but I won't be the one who will solve the problem , until certain limit ( depend on the children age of course). I want them to know that their parents are there on their side no matter what, and when they "fell" we will be there to "catch" them, but we won't " carry" them all along the way.

I want them to be a responsible adults, who can take the consequences of their own acts. That is how my parents raised me and my siblings.

".....give them the baits and not the fish!"