The art of the communication

Have you ever be in a situation when you need to give advice but it might hurt the other's people feeling? Like if a friend asked you for fashion advice for example but you truly think she doesn't look good in that particular pants ( that draw more attention to her curvious lower bottom part)?

So these are the options :

To tell her the truth and might hurt her feeling ( hey your butt look huge in that pants! you look like a clown in the horror movie!) or

you can lie because you hope she just bought that and finish the long dragging shopping trip ( wow it suits you very well! )

or you can be honest and diplomatic at the same time ( and said : you might want to consider to try other pants? Maybe it will suit you better)

Or have you ever be in situation when you got a piece of your lunch stucked in your tooth. Then some friend come to you and said it to you in a way that made you feel very bad and so embarrassed and self conscious after that? And then in some other time, the similar thing happens ( ok maybe this time you got lipstick smear on your tooth) and another person told you but the way she told you make you feel so comfortable and make it looks so normal?

So THERE ARE options to say certain things in a nicer way.That doesn't mean we need to be a push over and agree ( or not agree but we just keep quiet ) with everything other people suggested or said. There will always be disagreement, dislikes , argument, honest advice that might hurt. But we must always try to avoid to being rude in certain situation (there is exception of course)

I always say : the truth is painful. But I think that is not necessary need to be said in a hurtful way. I always believe in IT IS HOW YOU SAY IT NOT WHAT YOU SAY.

Do you ever know someone who got the charisma and the one that can influence others by just talking? Even that this person give an simple advice we can be totally drawn by it. That is someone who born with the communication talents. But communication skills is also something someone can learn or should I say must learn? Some times we didn't mean too be rude , or sometimes we are maybe just too over sensitive. But there are some people who can really make other people feel bad all the time no matter what they said. And on the other hand there are some people that can give critics in a gracious manners.

In this day, in the industry , communication skills play an important roles in business and marketing. Taken from here. See how this 2 sentences with same meaning can be deliver in much more positive manners

“Use sunscreen to help your skin stay healthy.”

“Without sunscreen you increase your risk of developing skin cancer”

or in daily cases how do you feel if someone from cosmetic counter approaches you and said :

Sales girl #1 :

" tsk tsk... your skin so dull and lack of lustre....you need to use this cream"

or

Sales girl #2:

" you can add lustre to your skin and it will look much healhtier , this cream will help that"

Which one will make you feel more comfortable and can persuade you to buy the cream? I would go to sales girl #2!

My dad who has been in retail business all his life , gave me a very great advice when I started my online store , he said, if you explain your products to a customer you will need to explain in a certain manners , a respectful manners without making someone feel bad or show to people that you know MORE than them. Tell them in much comfortable way, explain the products in way that will make them feel that it is ok for them to ask you more questions , and that is part of your job.

This happened to me many times, New moms to Cloth Diapers asked me the same questions again and again ( the best one I can remember now is : Can I re-use the pocket diapers and just insert the new insert instead?) . So here again I choose between :

" Of course can not lar! The pocket diapers is dirty already ! How can you use that again ???) or

"It is not recommended because the urine already passed through the liner so it will be healthier if we change every thing every 3 hours"

And there are many other more examples. The other tricky situation is " email " or " chat" form.
I always feel that I must be extra careful of what I type during chatting or emailing. Because from one sentence , it can be read and interpret in many different way, For instance:
Of course I do that, I knew it ,but still he won't listen..
You can read this sentence in : angry tone, insult tone, mellow tone, or even a giving up tone.

I admit some customers can push me to the limit. But this is part of what I do, and when I can't say anything nice to them ( or replying their email) I rather don't say anything and come back to reply their email when I cooled down.

Me and my siblings often got misunderstood in emails. So that is why we need to choose the proper words and use the sentence wisely.

So this is an " ART" that we need to master it. I still failed from times to times but I try my very best. And I make sure that if it is necessary I can be quite strict and be sarcastic as I could be to someone who I think would deserve it. But I won't hurt some one close to me. The last person who I want to hurt is my close friends, and my own family.

Some times even with our own spouse we tend to be rude , we also need to learn the art of communication with our patner no matter what. Marriage without 2 way communication skills will die in no time.

So let's learn the art , shall we ladies ( and gentlemen)? CHEERS!