Sure this is an interesting topic for all mommies. It can be night mares for some.
My children are not having the best table manners. But at least in the restaurant they can sit during meals. I think the one thing I can share is that I try to make every meal to be a pleasant one.
If a kid being force to eat and chased around to eat I think it will traumatized them and they will associate meals with a scary memory. I saw my neighbor's nanny forced the boy ( about 2 years) to finish the milk by pouring the milk from the bottle that the nipple had been cut ( so it has a big hole) directly into the boy's mouth. And I can see that the boy was almost choked. Poor lil boy. The nanny said he doesn't like to drink milk so that is the only way to feed him. I told her that can give yogurt and soya milk or fresh milk as substitute , but apparently the yogurt or other milk is not so POWERFUL as the GREAT FORMULA MILK according to them. So she must always feed the boy in front of the house or chasing him here and there . A very tiring task!And no wonder the boy will hate the milk even more!
Indy at the age of 6 is getting better but still need a lot to learn as she grows, Maya on the other hand still enjoy to be a very messy eater. But she sit during her meal. If they think they had enough I try not to force them to finish the entire meal. But if I think they do eat way to less I did a bargaining with them , like how about 2 more spoons? how about just finish the meat?
One thing I do teach them is that we eat during meal time and try to finish the food ( portion appropriate). And when you leave the table, that's it. No returning and asking for more meal. I am not a 24 hours buffet spread , darling!
Same thing with sleeping habit...when the sleeping time comes, they go in to the room, whether they are sleepy or not. No one is allow to go out anymore. Be in the room, on the bed, they can talk, sing, read book or watch a bit of TV but can't leave the room.
I must say Indy has a better table manner when since she was about 3 years old, I remember I must took her to a charity lunch gala in Guangzhou by the GWIC ( Guangzhou woman international Club) and in that even, no children were allowed. So I need to talk to the board persons for them to allow me to take Indy as no one can baby sit her that day. They said ok. But please no running around. And most of the people were suprise by how well behaved Indy was , she sit through out the lunch no tantrum , no screaming and all. It was a big relief for me of course. And she eat everything on the plate too! From appetizer to dessert. The chairman of the club were so pleased and praised Indy and said she will be always invited to any adult luncheon event, and wish any children can behave like her :) and I took her again to the Indonesian Charity Fashion Show for Tsunami Victim the very next year, and yes she was very well behave as well.
I am not sure if I will have the guts to bring Maya to this kind of events. I think I will be kick out from the room in 30 minutes max! LOL
Anyway..... here is the article from
Baby Center.com about table manners that I receive through email just this morning . I hope you can get some useful information here as much as I did! I still need to adjust my way to teach them after I read this article! :)
I'd like my preschooler to have better table manners. Where do I start?
Begin with the idea that mealtimes are pleasant and that good behavior makes them more fun for everyone. Talk with your preschooler about the importance of good manners, and encourage him to think of himself as a polite person. Set realistic expectations, then gently reinforce them until they become habit.
What can I teach him at this age?
Your child isn't ready for the finer points of well-mannered dining (such as which fork to use for the cake), but he's old enough to start learning and even perform the basics — depending, of course, on whether he's just turned 2 or is approaching kindergarten age.
Some behaviors to teach and encourage at this age:
• Hand washing before coming to the table
• No toys at the table.
• No throwing or grabbing food
• No banging utensils
• No spitting food out
• No yelling or running around the room while others are eating
• Saying "please" and "thank you"
• Using utensils instead of fingers when appropriate
• Asking to be excused at the end of the meal (a nice touch is to teach him to thank the person who prepared the meal)
• Clearing dishes from the table to the sink or counter (if the path is clear and the dishes are replaceable)
Some older preschoolers (those who enjoy learning to act "grown up") can handle a few more details. Your child might like to know how to put his napkin in his lap and use it to wipe his mouth, to take small bites, and to chew with his mouth closed. He can learn not to slurp his beverage (by leaving some in the bottom of the glass), to wait until everyone is served before starting to eat, and to comment nicely on the foods he likes (but not on those that are "yucky"). Mealtime is a great opportunity for him to polish his communication skills, too, so be sure to include him in discussions.
As for Indy I try to reinforce that she can't say the word "yucky" to some kind of food that she doesnt like, especially if she eat in a friend's house. She can use the word " I prefer that" or " I think I will eat this " but not yucky or " blueeek I don't like prawn!!!" . Just because she doesn't like prawn but that doesn't mean that everybody must hate it.And her comment might hurt the feeling of someone that prepared the meal for her ( in this case her friend's mom or can be my mom, or aunt or whoever is it)
What's the best way to tackle these lessons?
Your preschooler wants to please you, and he wants to be like you, so the best way is to show him how it's done. Talk pleasantly at the table — no lectures, arguments, or raised voices. Say "please" and "thank you" when you ask for something to be passed. And don't read the paper, watch television, talk on the phone, or jump up to tend to other things. Show him that good table manners involve showing respect for the other people at the table.
Consistency will help make good manners a habit for your child in the coming years, so when you introduce a behavior, set expectations and use gentle reminders to reinforce them. Simply hand your child his spoon when he picks up his cottage cheese with his fingers, and prompt a "thank you" when you refill his water.
Give your child strokes for behaving well at the table — when he sits nicely and asks politely, for example. Don't overdo the praise, though, because you don't want him to feel that he's the center of attention whenever you sit down to share a meal.
What should I do when my child misbehaves at the table?
You have a couple of choices. Some parents find it's best to ignore the misbehavior — the demanding, the banging, the mess-making. When this tactic works, it's because the child stops doing whatever gets no response. Other parents find that it's better to find ways to discourage their child's problematic behavior. If your child doesn't say "please," then don't serve that second helping until he does. And some parents simply remove their children from the table when they do things that are unacceptable, explaining that their behavior is not good manners.
If you make it enjoyable for your child to share meals with you — by talking with him and being upbeat — then he's more likely to want to stay and share the good vibes. Next time (or eventually, in any case), he won't do things that get him banished.
What are some good rules at this point?
Different families are comfortable with different rules, so you get to decide. One family might be fine with everyone coming to dinner in their bathing suits or jammies, for example, while another may require that everyone gets dressed for dinner. Your family may enforce the "no elbows on the table" rule, while another has no such rule.
So you'll want to make sure that your child learns to be polite, but there's some leeway on what that means. As he grows, you can teach your child the basics (to say "please" and "thank you," to chew with his mouth closed, to be pleasant) and even some nitty gritty (like which utensil to use and where to put his napkin), but don't get too hung up on formalities. Good manners are really about being considerate of others. If your child keeps that in mind, he'll do fine.
There are a couple of rules you might not want to enforce at mealtimes, though. One is the old "clean your plate" rule. You want your child to learn to stop eating when his body says it's full, not when everything in front of him is gone. So offer small portions, refilling as necessary, and respect his decision to stop eating.
Ah agree with this one. Exactly what I am thinking.
At this age, you might also forgo the rule about sitting at the table until everybody is finished eating. Your preschooler is still active by nature, and it's likely he just can't sit still that long. A better idea might be to let him ask to be excused whenever he's finished. You might want to say that once he leaves he can't come back for more food, though, so he won't get into the habit coming and going throughout the meal.
Hey , this is what I do! So guess I m not so mean after all? hehehe
How can I get my preschooler to behave in restaurants?
It'll help a great deal if your preschooler's been learning table manners at home. Before you leave, talk with him about what to expect. Tell him that it will be fun to share this special meal. Explain that there will be other people in the restaurant who won't want to be disturbed, so he'll have to use a soft voice and think about his table manners.
Make it easy on him by choosing a restaurant that's not too crowded or too leisurely about serving. You may even want to call your order in ahead of time. Make sure your child is well rested when you take him out to eat and that he's hungry (but not to the point of meltdown!). If he's not up to the task once you're in the restaurant, don't reprimand him in public — just use gentle reminders. If he misbehaves in a way that disturbs other diners, though, leave without fanfare. Explain that he wasn't able to stay because his behavior was unacceptable.
Another way to help your preschooler learn how to be a savvy diner at restaurants (or at Grandma's next holiday) is to role-play at home. Maybe he'd enjoy a tea party, where you emphasize good manners to his teddy bears. Or maybe he'd find a fancy dinner — with your best china and tablecloth, candles, and dress-up clothes — inspiring. You might even exaggerate your good manners (pinkies up!) for fun.
