Handling Unwanted Advice

Handling Unwanted Advice

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Gentle Baby Care

“Help! I’m getting so frustrated with the endless stream of advice I get from my mother-in-law and brother! No matter what I do, I’m doing it wrong. I love them both, but how do I get them to stop dispensing all this unwanted advice?”

Just as your baby is an important part of your life, he is also important to others. People who care about your baby are bonded to you and your child in a special way that invites their counsel. Knowing this may give you a reason to handle the interference gently, in a way that leaves everyone’s feelings intact.

Regardless of the advice, it is your baby, and in the end, you will raise your child the way that you think best. So it’s rarely worth creating a war over a well-meaning person’s comments. You can respond to unwanted advice in a variety of ways:

Listen first

It’s natural to be defensive if you feel that someone is judging you; but chances are you are not being criticized; rather, the other person is sharing what they feel to be valuable insight. Try to listen - you may just learn something valuable.

Disregard

If you know that there is no convincing the other person to change her mind, simply smile, nod, and make a non-committal response, such as, “Interesting!” Then go about your own business...your way.

Agree

You might find one part of the advice that you agree with. If you can, provide wholehearted agreement on that topic.

Pick your battles

If your mother-in-law insists that Baby wear a hat on your walk to the park, go ahead and pop one on his head. This won’t have any long-term effects except that of placating her. However, don’t capitulate on issues that are important to you or the health or well-being of your child.

Steer clear of the topic

If your brother is pressuring you to let your baby cry to sleep, but you would never do that, then don’t complain to him about your baby getting you up five times the night before. If he brings up the topic, then distraction is definitely in order, such as, “Would you like a cup of coffee?”

Educate yourself

Knowledge is power; protect yourself and your sanity by reading up on your parenting choices. Rely on the confidence that you are doing your best for your baby.

Educate the other person

If your “teacher” is imparting information that you know to be outdated or wrong, share what you’ve learned on the topic. You may be able to open the other person’s mind. Refer to a study, book, or report that you have read.

Quote a doctor

Many people accept a point of view if a professional has validated it. If your own pediatrician agrees with your position, say, “My doctor said to wait until she’s at least six months before starting solids.” If your own doctor doesn’t back your view on that issue, then refer to another doctor - perhaps the author of a baby care book.

Be vague

You can avoid confrontation with an elusive response. For example, if your sister asks if you’ve started potty training yet (but you are many months away from even starting the process), you can answer with, “We’re moving in that direction.”

Ask for advice!

Your friendly counselor is possibly an expert on a few issues that you can agree on. Search out these points and invite guidance. She’ll be happy that she is helping you, and you’ll be happy you have a way to avoid a showdown about topics that you don’t agree on.

Memorize a standard response

Here’s a comment that can be said in response to almost any piece of advice: “This may not be the right way for you, but it’s the right way for me.”

Be honest

Try being honest about your feelings. Pick a time free of distractions and choose your words carefully, such as, “I know how much you love Harry, and I’m glad you spend so much time with him. I know you think you’re helping me when you give me advice about this, but I’m comfortable with my own approach, and I’d really appreciate if you’d understand that.”

Find a mediator

If the situation is putting a strain on your relationship with the advice-giver, you may want to ask another person to step in for you.

Search out like-minded friends

Join a support group or on-line club with people who share your parenting philosophies. Talking with others who are raising their babies in a way that is similar to your own can give you the strength to face people who don’t understand your viewpoints.

This article is an excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

The Author is Elizabeth Pantley. She is a parent educator, mother of four, and author of eight books for parents including Gentle Baby Care, The No-Cry Sleep Solution, The No-Cry Potty Training Solution and The No-Cry Discipline Solution (foreword by Tim Seldin, president of the Montessori Foundation and chair of the International Montessori Council.)

Enjoying our children............

How many of us have encountered a competitive parents ?
How many of us have received disapproval look from strangers over our parenting skills in public?

If you haven't encounter any of these , you are one lucky parent! :)

Since my first born was born, I got so many wanted and unwanted advices from people whether I want it or not.

Since the baby was born, people are expecting a lot from the baby. They have set in their mind that at certain age , they must crawl, sit, walk, talk, read, write, making crafts, have a good grade at school.

I am not a pushy mom I guess. I think my parenting style is more relax ? uhm ...I mean I don't
really "worry" by those time line guide. And I know there is no perfect timing or right timing for each kids to DO exactly what or when the other baby do..
As long as they are in the right track and we DO encouraging them to learn, explore, and BE A KID for the time being....I am fine with that...

My first DD is not a early reader. Not by the age of 3 0r 4. She is still learning now. And I believe in her that she will read soon. She is more crafty , chatty, and a performer type( sing and dance) rather than the sit and learn and read and write type.
I DO read for her and she loves book.
But AM I A FAILURE as a MOM , if she still can read and write properly by the age of 5?

Now a days, there are many children products, promising a genius kids, smarter kids, super kids, and they marketing/selling strategy is too play with parent's confident and insecurity.
Like buy this formula, so your children brain will be smarter, buy this books so you kids can read and count early, enroll your toddler to computer lesson so they will be prepare for the future.
These are all a good program I believe , but it is depend on what we want and expect from our children.

I love to see kids playing and learning at the same time. I believe that learning can be achieve from our daily activities. Like: when they bang a pot, or throwing plate from highchair, they are learning cause and effect. And when they learn to go up a single step , they are practicing their gross motor skills, and when they pick those biscuit's crumbs with their tiny fingers, they are practicing their fine motor skill, when they try to pop a bubble they are learning their hands and eyes coordination.

So will i introduce Maya ABC, 123? I will, but I will not force her or expect her to read anytime soon.:-)
why is the rush anyway?

And now I keep Indy away from any video/computer games. I am not sure if I still keep her away from that next year , when she will find it out from her friends.
I want her to spend her free time with games, blocks, drawing, cutting paper, play Lego, rather than sit and watch TV all the time ( she loves TV now, but I m really trying to cut her time in front of the tube as much as I can)
Because this days, the only activities most kids to is watch TV and play game in the computer.
I do have plenty of toys for my girls, and I stay away from electronic toys as much as I can :).
I want to teach them to play Malay/indon traditional game of "Congklak", and "jumping rubber ropes " ( my childhood fame game).But some electronic educational toys ( like leap pads) are interesting too.

Indy loves this Wooden Tetris by www.kidzpuzzle.com

And the wooden maze "dress up doll"

And this lacing board is good for fine motor skills too:

I also got a wooden puzzle for Maya. And I will got some small puzzle to for her soon.

And I also got some others items from www.r2learntoys.com ( S'pore based)
This is to learn to screw and unscrew ( For Maya to use later on )
And I think this is very cool! An egg that can hatch into toy animals ( Indy choose Chicken and duck, because the frog, lizard and dinosaur freak her out! LOL)

Egg Growing Pets are the coolest new way to hatch yourself a new friend. Watch as your little egg hatches into your favourite creature! In a day your egg will crack open and slowly your baby creature will hatch it's way out of the egg!

These pets are not living creatures, but are highly amusing and a little creepy. Your Growing pet is always a surprise! You must wait until it hatches to find out exactly what species you have. Amaze your children with this educational and fun experiment.

So if other moms will judge me , that I buy too much toys, I think this is just my parenting style. And if they said that Indy still can't read or write properly is a sad situation compare to their children , who can read before they enter kindergarten, I will just smile, praise their kids and thanks them for their concern.

I do believe learning through playing. And I believe that there are other important skills our children need beside academical skills.
They will need " characters" like : self confident, self respect as well respect to others, Appreciation in simple things and nature, using they creativity and imagination, problem solving skills and not easy to give up .

Above all...our children will grow up so fast. And for the time being I want to enjoy them as my children

Splish splash!

Lazy Sunday....

The paddling pool is the perfect size for Maya, but not on Indy LOL....
She looks like a giant in the
We got the one big one last time in Guang Zhou but we didn't bring it over.

We got this kiddie pool from a friend's garage sale. And since Maya loves water so much, I thought this would be a great idea for her.



Water, Indy and BALL....that are all Maya needs to make her day! Ohyes and of course after that....a session of breastfeeding....


Indy looks like lil giant in this pool .


And It's all happened in our yard....

This is what we had in Guang Zhou :-D . A jacuzzi size inflatable pool. Indy was 2.5 years. How fast she has grow!

Bargain corner and Ebay store

Hi Moms!

If you notice , there is a new gadget on my blog. That is Paypal store front. I will sell some of my knick knacks over here. I might list new items, gently used items, some bargain items from my e-store etc.
Been a while since my long waiting garage sell for KK moms. But I just couldn't find the time ( what a lame excuse) . So when I found out that paypal got this new gadget, I think I will just list some of my items here. Who knows fellow bloggers will take benefit from my offer :)

Another news is I also open up a store at E-bay.
http://stores.ebay.com.my/My-Bambina

Noticed the name as My Bambina, not Mia....since I got another account with Mia Bambina, and somehow doesn't work. :)

My E-bay store offer will be a limited option of some item from my store in discounted price, sometimes maybe my personal gently used items, or some new items too.

My e-bay store is freshly started, so can be some error and mistake over there. Will try to fix this soon!

Have a great week ahead!

Sandra

Libra and Dragon

Hah....just found this over the internet.... why in those Zodiac details, everyone sound so nice and good? LOL

The Libra woman is vibrant, vivacious and thoroughly captivating. She is the epitome of diplomacy and tact, in addition to being a woman who is trusted by her friends. She is blessed with taste and a sense of refinement...but on the negative side, her love of the good life can lead to laziness and something of a selfish nature. As a sweetheart, she is irresistible and as a long-term partner, she is intriguing, being both feminine and fun. As a mother, she is not always one to concentrate on her children, but she does radiate a warmth and affection that provides them with a sense of security. Far from "fluffy" in her thinking, the Libra female can be a great help to the success of any mate's career. In short, she is attractive, mixes well and tends to get along with everyone, being tactful and shrewd.

For a long-term commitment, this woman looks for an adventurous and intelligent mate...one who is preferably fairly well off, but there is no aversion here to aiding a partner when it comes to accumulating the good things of life. When young, this female is rather like a beautiful flower, being very lovely to look at. With the advancement of years, however, this woman often finds that life has educated her to a high degree and she is also wise, witty, entertaining, tolerant, amusing and a wonderfully rewarding person to know. In her heart, every female governed by Libra truly desires affection above all else, closely followed by sympathy and interest. This is a woman who is forever seeking the ideal companion.

The female ruled by Libra possesses a delicate and rather spiritual appeal. This is usually a rather exotic-looking woman with a rare and exquisite personality. However, in actuality, she is nowhere near as fragile as she seems to be. A fine mental companion, the Libra woman is wise in the ways of partnership and extremely capable of bringing harmony into a home and family environment. Indeed, the talent for harmony is one of this female's special gifts. She has an instinctive knowledge of how to get along with people and usually attracts an interesting social circle.

Still, she will never neglect her own family, bestowing upon them all the loving attention of which her gracious nature is capable. Too well-balanced to encourage indiscriminate flirtations, if the woman ruled by Libra were to find herself emotionally involved, her response would never be underhanded. This is not the type of female who encourages scandal. The Libra woman is responsive, intuitive and intellectual. In many respects, she is the best suited of all Zodiac females to be a lifelong partner in the strictly personal sense of the word.

Fire Dragon

A person born in the year of the dragon will be full of zest for life.
They can be generous, passionate, confident, independent, strong,
energetic, impetuous, egotistical, selfish, opinionated,
stubborn, eccentric, glamorous, whimsical, demanding, and unreasonable.
Their passionate nature is said to bring them
good health.  The Dragon person will rise to any challenge,
and will defend and
protect who and what they care about.

Those born in the dragon year are said to wear the horns of destiny.
A dragon person most likely will lead a complex life,
and live life on their own terms.
The Chinese call the dragon the guardian of wealth and power,
 and dragon people
will tend to
have grandiose plans which, and tend to
 be strong enough to accomplish them.
The dragon person is also
full of style and flair, and will often have many admirers.

The Dragon has a strong temper and
can be hard to stand against, yet is quick to forgive.
One thing a Dragon generally is not, is cunning or
guileful, and the dragon will prefer conflict
 to be straightforward and honest.

The Dragon values and will protect
their family, even if they are aggravated with them at the time.
A Dragon needs goals, projects, purpose in their
life, and can become depressed and listless without some cause to
fight for or project to work on.
The Dragon is an extrovert,
and will not let you down if they can help it.

Dragons are lovers ofnature, and will desire to travel a lot.
The Dragon will be less prone to depression than
those born under the other signs.
Dragons are honest and open, and their feelings are genuine
and from the heart.
Dragons are direct, motivated,
and will inspire action in those around them.

It is said that the weather conditions
when a Dragon is born will influence their life greatly.
Being born during a storm will lead to a troubled and dangerous life,
 but one full of spectacular experiences.
One born ona calm day, will lead a more protected life,
and have a more amiable nature.

The female Dragon will be a very strong woman,
tending to believe in women's rights, and refusing to take
any nonsense from anyone. 
She will never stand by and just accept her fate, she will
fight passionately and will not give up.

 

D kidz n D Crocs!

My hubby always come up with good idea on what do to on his off day. And he is a BIG NO MALL guy. To go to MALL for him is a BIG torture. To shop or to window shop is a waste of time. So I will do all my shopping or window shopping during weekdays , better for me too, as the malls are more empty :)

So last Sunday, he decided to bring the girls to Crocodiles farm in Tuaran. Not to far from KK city about 25 mins drive. But the weather was not too nice , cloudy and drizzling , but lucky it turned out to be bright and sunny later!

And Maya refused to took a nap that morning, so I must brought the stroller with me. So when she sleeps , I can put her down :D.

The Crocodiles farm is not that big, but they have a good number of crocs there! And we enjoy the show too! This is a high risk job to do! Reminds me of Steve " crocodiles hunter"!
There is even a crocodile from Niles, and big fish ( forget the name ) from Amazon river!
Some squirels, then many type of chicken,cow, and birds, and ostrich .

And we can feed some animals, and fish too! There are also hunchback crocodiles and blind one. They have birth defect. These are the cat fish, some are really as big as a cat! :)


Indy was abit scare when she saw the big crocodiles , and we even saw when the crocodiles taker feed the crocs! It was an interesting thing to see. They feed on pieces of chicken meat.



Maya was amazed but this crocs! She doesn't get it , what is that? She knows that is an animal, because she keep said : Zeina, Bull ( our dogs name ) She calls all animals by Zeina and Bull! And she keeps ooooh aaaah oooooh oooh :)
Oh and she calls all fruits as Banana at this moment!!


There is one crocodiles , as long as 4 meter, age 70 years old, caught in Kinabatangan river in 2006 , In Sabah province , because it killed one man. So the villagers shot in but not killed it, and now this crocodiles is in the farm!


This is the biggest one, it was shot dead , because it also killed a man , in the year 2000. This was about 5 meter long .



After that we headed to Salut seafood restaurant. The restaurant is located above the river/sea....what ever you want to call it LOL. But we were to busy eating and I forget to take any pics!

This is rarely happens! 3 of us looking at the camera!

Indy choose to pose with the smaller crocs.

"Maya fai caro al crocodilo!" I said to Maya, and she did it! It's mean "sayang" the crocodile .