Paparazzi

We have a weird experience here in China. As many of foreign faces people ( foreign as in "white"/"western" or other colored skin  people), people like to take picture of my girls . During our recent Expo visit, there were at least ten to 15 people that we noticed keep taking picture of our girls and our friend's son.Some did ask for permission , and some just took their pic, some wanted to take picture together with them. And we were like " uhm??really??"
We are not Brangelina here! While my girls take this treatment quite fine, sometimes they will cover their faces, or run away, sometimes they will pose with them :), and sometimes they will stick out their tongues at them too.

And this "paparazzi" kind of things also happen in the city, when we went out to mall, on the road etc. I am not so comfortable about this, normally I would just ignore them and let them take photos , but to think of it, for the safety of my kids  this thing isn't right. What if they use the photos for some illegal or not proper things? My friends would just tell them off, or take their children away . While , me, being the nice person ( ehm...) still don't have the heart to tell them off , specially if the person look ok and not rough, But to think again appearance can be deceitful right?

Another thing that I really don't like is stranger to touch my girl's cheeks. EUW!! When this happened I definitely would tell them off.  They like to stay " pretty" "cute" and then pinch or touch the girl's cheeks. Once , a man in his 20-30 touch Indy's cheeks and followed her in the supermarket and looking at her in a freaky way. It gave me a creepy feeling and then I told him off and I left my shopping cart and grabbed Indy straight away and left.


What will do you if strangers start to take pics of your children? Should I tell them off?

It is not for the faint hearted

As many people know, China is known for the strong economic growth and as one of the most populates country in the world. But it is also know for the bad image as the "fake" or "low quality" items. As the phrase : Made in China  , doesn't seem to  reflect any good image in general.

But as many know ( and also some doesn't ) China also offer the vast luxurious life style. Specially in big cities, and of the most fast growing and expanding city is the one we are living right now Shanghai.
And it is now the host of World Expo 2010. Shanghai has been undergoing many "plastic surgery" and it is at her prime and most beautiful time right now and the transportation system as been improved a lot too.

But it is not for the faint hearted people at all. You need to brace your self and you will need to choose a balance life style and keep your feet on the ground. If you have the cash, the sky is the limit! And thankfully , we do not have the cash , so we have a lot of limit here!The activities are endless so we must be very selective, and with the $$ you can basically have everything you want. And before you know it, you will be pulled down and drown in your own life.
But we came back to China, with open mind and open heart. We didn't come with our of our skeptical thought about China or the people, we 've decided to embrace it the good and the bad. Except that we are living in different city, our family are always the same, we still have the same value, we are still the same people.

The urge to have the branded clothing, bags, and all, to eat in the high end restaurant, joining a elite club or gym, to send the kids to an elite private school, to have a regular saloon visit from head to toes, to hire unlimited help fro chauffeur, personal maid and nanny or even to have a private masseuse  to come to your home.

As with the children it is the same, to keep them on the ground, with friends that going to certain restaurant, shop in certain shop and going with a luxurious car , it can be intimidating for them and the social pressure is big.

But , for us, we are what we are  , and we try to put that in our children's life that we don't have to have or do what others do. So it is important to keep things simple and yet we still be able to have fun. Because some people are funny, they spend the money they don't have, to buy thing they don't even need, to impress people they don't even like.
To live like that it is very exhausting , don't you  agree??

XOXO

S.R

The simplicity of life

When we lived back in Sabah, we always know that we can't take everything for granted. The weather, the beaches, the greenery, the sea, the islands, the food, the mountains.But we , sometimes, missed the convenience of living in the big city as well ; the shopping , the activities ( specially for kids ) the food selection, the wine and dine life .

We always tried to have outdoor activities for family, like going to beaches, islands, mountains, tamu market, and we glad we did it.

Life here is on the contrary. We literally could do anything here, and buy anything here if as long as we could afford it. It is the cliche Big City life, when you got the $$ you can live like a king ( well sort of ) :)

The activities for the family is... literally endless... do you want to go ice skating or even ski-ing? Shanghai has it. Or something more simple like flying kite ? Go to Wild safari ( should I say semi- wild)? Want to ride on the Maglev train with the max speed of 400km per hour? Go to see the view of the city from one of the tallest building in the world ( not sure if it is the 2nd or 3rd tallest building)? Have a cuppa of coffee from the super luxurious Garden Hyatt hotel over seeing the famous Shanghai skyline? Or go shopping for any well known famous brands in the world?  Or how about to eat in the best restaurant in town ( hundreds of it)Or do you want to have your organic veggies to be deliver to the door? How about to have the homemade yogurt to be deliver to your doorstep?Do you want to learn to do pottery or oil painting?Or do you want to visit the Madame Tussaud wax museum?

And then... there are activities for the children.... which ... is the same.... endless..... Lego land, Mini city, Art center, Barbie cafe, Kid's spa? ( what???? which kid need a spa? I need SPA and not kids!!!! )

So this kind of life is the total opposite of what we use to had back in Malaysia. So simple, so natural, so free.
Do I looked down at Sabah or KK? Because now we live in a " more modern" " more choice" city?
Well... I am not . It make me think that it is great to experience the simpleness of life. It makes us appreciate more of the simple things.

The same way like , when we just arrived in KK. We can rent more spacious house . Compared to where we lived before in a apartment ( back in Singapore, Shanghai and Guangzhou). So once someone asked me,  so in KK you feel like rich people then , can stay in a landed house? Well not at all. We always manage to keep down to earth and keep  one feet on the ground no matter what. If we think we are " rich" because we lived in the landed property , and had a car  for personal use, well when we moved back here and we live back in the apartment, I or we could have a " down power" syndrome. ( is it such a word? eheh not sure, but anyway.. you know what I mean).

A dear friend of mine , once said to me : "to be an " expat" ( I don't like to label my self this ) you are so nice and down to earth. You consider to live well but you still want to mix and be friend with me from other religion". Of course this made me mad! First : I am just happened to be  not local and I don't live that well , there are plenty of people who live much much "well" than me and I do not boxed my self to be friend with certain people from certain religion. So what if I am an expat? I must be snobbish and just mix with certain " level" of people? I am not that narrow minded person. So you can imagine how the conversation went with my dear friend ! Not a very good nice conversation for her since I was keep yap and yapping :P, but being close and dear friend , we can talk about everything, and she is the " lantak" type. :P


Another confidant friend of us, told us, that it is blessing in disguise to be moved back to Shanghai. She said , it is a great " break" or " long holiday" to be able to work and live in Sabah. It was the time to breath, relax, and take thing easy ( not working wise for my dh , as it is the most challenging staffs he ever got so far) and to enjoy the nature. And now , she said, it is the time to move back to the real world where we must be in high gear to be able to  survive in this land. And in the food department I can't complaint! Finally I am able to dine in a Thailand , Indonesian , Japanese, Korean , Greek, Italian ( duh ! of course),German etc etc....And since my aunt is still here with us, so it gives us the freedom to go on our wine and dine date twice a week and leave the kids at home! ( hah!  ^_^)

And here is the our first family photo in the city Over seeing a tiny part of the biggest park here, with a glimpse of our apartment compound on the back .

Turning a house into " our home sweet home"

So after all the unpacking and sorting , and washing and drying and folding and arranging and re-arranging , We are proud to show you our new home sweet home.

Here is the living room. The TV, racks are our from KK. The TV rack is new from IKEA. And the curtain is also new. We use that as the "divider"

The shells is my dh pride and glory ! LOL. It is his collections. And there are some photos of our family taken from our vacations.

We both like the "South East Asian Decor" like from Philippines , Thailand and of course Indonesia  ( Javanese and Balinese style and  of course we love batik!). It really give the warm touch for the house.

I am well..we both are not the fans of the modern minimalist style, as it is a bit too "cold" , we prefer to add some Asian touch to the house ( we will love to add China antique furniture and who knows some Indian stuffs too?). All of our house decors and statues are not new at all.  And we got it from all over the world ( as presents or as souvenirs that we bought our self during vacations). We hope to collect more if time permit and there is more space to display it in the future! hah!

The dining area. The left is the study room and the right is the kitchen. The kitchen is small but it comes with very well design cabinet, with built in garbage disposal in the sink, dishwasher and dish sterilizer and a foldable table. Kitchen cabinet is very important, it will effect the function of the kitchen , as a chef's wife I must know that :). And this reminds me of  some of the houses we saw in Kota Kinabalu, when we wanted to rent the house there, the kitchen comes only with stoves and a sink , and the rest are empty. No drawer , no underneath cabinet, no above cabinet. None.... so how should we put our stuffs? thanks but no thanks we need to pass on that....Even with the big house and big garden , we still need to have a good and functional kitchen  ( well at least with space to keep my pots and pans!!) . We are lucky that our kitchen in KK is great. For our family kitchen is the heart of the house. Where we cook daily for our family and sometimes to entertain our friends.

This is the book rack in the study room, See how full it is...?  And the other is the study room glass wall and door become the showcase of the girls' work. Why? just to boast their confidence ! ^_^ To show that we care and proud of their works. And the wood panel is our pantry cabinet! Trust me you can find many foods inside!

And this is  Indy's office desk . Where all the schooling activities take place ( well 80% of it, sometimes we also work on the dining table and of the living room)

And this is the entrance of the second floor. Yup.. we got the duplex unit ( or maybe some called it penthouse?) But I like to called it duplex because penthouse sounded more glam  up for me. And we are not a glam up family! :P. We are lucky to be able to rent this unit. We are on the 11th floor ( top floor). I put some of our favorites baby's photos of the girls at the second floor entrance.

And this is our family room. Where we can watch DVD and play some games. It is very cozy . The girls like to play here as well. It comes with a huge cabinet for kids clothing and walk in hidden cabinet for our store room

And of course , the kid's room is bright and PINK! We just add some decorating stickers. We put their personal items like school photos, and books and toys and toys!! The room is attached to a big terrace which will be great for summer days. Can't wait for that!

And of course ... The master bed room! The room is quiet spacious with walking cabinet and attached bathroom with bathtub and terrace too! We still need to buy my computer table chair, and a vanity chair for my " make up" corner and maybe... some terrace outdoor chairs and table. I would definitely buy some potted plans and flowers and herbs plants too ( I saw rosemary, basil and sage plants)

There is one big guest room in downstairs, one bathroom with shower. Over all the apartment is not big, but it is enough for us. And the more important is we feel home here. No matter where or what  ( apartment or house) home is where our heart is. For the last 11 years, we always remember our houses as our home. Jakarta, Singapore, Shanghai, Guang zhou, Malaysia and back to Shanghai.

Finally  we are home ( again)......

The" cookie cutter" kid??

As we are busy packing ( kinda) and browsing the potential areas in Shanghai to live , contacting freight forwarder companies for more quotation to send all of our belongings to Shanghai. I am also busy searching for more information in the "homeschooling" part.

The cost of International school in China is unbelievable high ( talk about around USD 26k./year)  for primary/grade school. Not that we must enroll our girl to International School, her Mandarin is not that good to follow the local school, and the semi international or bi lingual are not cheap too!

And since we are moving in the middle of the school year in China, so we think, it is better to homeschool-ed Indy first. And yes, I am fortunate, that my dh is ( again) agree with this. He was clueless about  homeschool before. But I made him have a better view on this. And we even ordered the books and browsing the curriculum together. And he even want to know more about the progress chart or the daily study schedule for Indy , so just in case I am sick or not available , he can "teach" Indy too! ahaha.. good one!

As Cel recommend me and enlightened me with lots of homeschool stuffs, I am more sure that, we made a good decision to do this. More than that, in a forum I joined, I read many parents are concern about the general school quality . And not every family can afford to pay USD 26k per kid/year. ( and that doesn't mean your kid will get the "best" learning experience).

One sentence that struck me :
The typical Asian students are  the"sweet cookie cutter": They are good  in Math and Science, but lack in communicating and critical thinking . They are smart and hard working (thanks to tons of homeworks) but not particulatry creative or bold. 

This reminds me of my recent trip back to Jakarta. I saw so many " molded people ( adults)" . They are just bland, similar to one another, closed minded , the "stereo type " kind of people.

Actually, I am not in doubt  too,  Can I  really do homeschooling with my girl? am I going to be a great" teacher"?, do I have enough patience to do it ? how can I find the time? What about my social life? Will I be stuck with my children 24/7? How if I get tired? Will I be discipline enough? Will my kids listen to me?  And the list is keep going on and on...

Our short term goal is just to home school for temporary. If we think we can't do it, we will enroll her into a regular school next September. But if we are comfortable of doing it , then , finger crossed, we will keep it that way.

Another good point I read from the forum:
Who will read your primary/grades school report when you are applying job? really ,who cares about that?


Point taken. I must agree. I know primary is the based , the foundation . But which school are you going, how much you pay for it, wont affect much of your C.V when you will apply for your first job.

If we can home school for the primary years, then go into a good school for high school and college or university, I think that will work too!

And , those books in sonlight are just so tempting. I would love to read and learn about it again! Some of the books/subjects in history for 7-9 years old will include:

• Mesopotamia and the first city-states
• Egypt, Crete, the Jewish people and Canaan
• The Greeks, Mycenaeans, Trojans, and Spartans
• Rome and Assyria
• The rise of Islam

 I think the subjects are much more interesting than what the normal ( chinese in my case) school would have offer. They even got some classic story to read, while in government schools ( I am now talking about Indonesian, Malaysian , and Chinese schools)  I don't think to read some great classic books is on the curriculum list!

So , keep my finger crossed, and wish me luck. I think moving to Shanghai is the "kick" I need to finally home schooled our  7 years old!

How about the "isolated" and not being able to socialize concern over home schooling kids?

"....conventional schools offer "socialization" through peer pressure, the stress of choosing between popularity and academic performance, and excessive attention to appearance."

Rachel Gathercole (The Well-Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling)


That gave me a encouragement too. Beside, there will be a wonderful support groups for homeschooling in Shanghai and there are tons of activities to join.  


I know the road we are going to take is not gonna be easy one. We might fail , we might succeed, there will be a lot if hiccups, we will face a lot of down hills, we must be ready for bumpy ride and stormy weather. But hey.. at least I have the guts to try... and the passion to support it.  What's about that for now? And the rest will follow ( hopefully ) ^_^


have a great weekend peeps!

It is official... we are moving( back) to Shanghai!

Yes, it is official. We will relocated to Shanghai, China. We've been there from the 2001 ( 2 years after we got married) until 2004( by the time Indy was 2 years old). Indy was also born in Shanghai.

It is a plus that we've been there before, so we know the city, and I got some friends there, and at least this time, I won't be struggle too much in the language department ( oh trust me I will still have a few problems, but at least I can tell which one is the black vinegar and which one is the soya sauce)

Being here in Sabah for almost 4 years, and we are used to the lifestyle here, it will need a quite amount of adjustment to be able to settle back in Shanghai. We will be living in the middle of concretes jungles, massive development of the city, a heavy traffics, million of bicycles , and just in among of 20 million people.

Just to share a few facts of Shanghai

Shanghai (Chinese: 上海) is the largest city in China, and one of the largest metropolitan areas in the world, with over 20 million people.^[5] Located on China's central eastern coast at the mouth of the Yangtze River, the city is administered as a municipality of the People's Republic of China with province-level status

This is the famous "Shanghai Bund" on the West Side /PUXI,where the history began, the building are all historicals and now it's hosting many of world's big company and the high end restaurants and hotels.

Shanghai literally means : Shang ( up) Hai ( Sea). Shanghai is mainly divided into 2 parts by The Huang Pu River. The west side knows as PU XI ( literally means west of the Huang Pu river) is the "old" Shanghai. Where it was all begin. And there is the PU DONG ( the East side of the river) , the "new" Shanghai. Where 2 of the world's tallest building stand tall.

And this is the "new" Shanghai on the East side of the river. This one is the old pic I think, since the World Financial Tower is no where in sight

The last time we were there, we lived in the PUXI, but this time, due to my dh job location , we will live in the PUDONG. Where they are building like mad, to anticipate the World Expo 2010. In fact my dh's new job will be in the Expo's site.

The "Pudong CBD also knows as Lu Jia Zui , which is the host to the Jinmao Tower and The World Financial Tower is on the back ground of this photo.

There a few things I don't like there , the major is that the government has blocked the access to facebook, youtube, and blogspot ( that is the main reason I got my own domain) . There are "a few way" to get the access and I will figure it out once I am there. Also the censorship for the TV, movies, magazines and stuffs are so annoying.

Thinking of it , we had a great 4 years time in Sabah, like a good "break" from the hectic life and busy city to a laid back city, relatively no traffic , and with a good nature. Now, time to go back to "rumble" in the big city:) . The "break" for us is the living wise , not for working wise for my husband ,as I believe, he can consider here to be the most frustrating place for him to work so far.

We've been browsing a few apartments to consider ( my favorite part of moving is the house hunting ^_^) : the area, and of course must be within the budget. Don't be surpirse if we will be end up living on the 30th floor of a 50th floors building. And if the compound consist like 5-8 blocks of the 50th floors building! :p But we also found a lowrise duplex apartment which also have a backyard. But we need to find something nearer to both of my dh working place and for me to do groceries too. We will see how it goes later on. Now we are just ( well I am )..just having a good time looking at the photos of the different units, and man....some of it are great! Some has the great kitchen ( double doors huge fridge!!), some has the wonderful bathroom ( with LCD tv inside !!) and Jacuzzi too. Drooling.....:)) hahhah...

Back to the reality... now we need to do the legal documentation first. And sorting stuffs ,pack , sort, pack, and sort and pack.....

Status update

After we broke the news that we are moving , I've received many mixed responds from my friends all over the world .

My mobile has been receiving many sms too.

I am not yet packing. I am just sorting stuffs, and put it aside. The packing will be done by the packing company, but still I need to sort things out. And , trust me, it is a big job :). Packing is easier if I just need to pack everythings, But sorting is much harder.

There are questions, doubts, joys, some are sad that we are leaving, some are happy for us to move on to the next step.

Though I also got questioned about how do I feel about all of this? Am I happy to move to Shanghai? It is good for my dh's job , but how about me? Am I happy about this?

Me and my husband have the most opposite personality in away. We have different opinions, different views in life. But in working wise, we ( almost) work as one head. We know what we want , what we need and what is best for our family. When we are talking about job offer , and decision regarding job, we always refers ourself us "we" . Because whatever, where ever , job he takes, it will involve us. I can say that I am involve in the negotiation parts ( behind the scene of course, and I will "come out" when the situation need me too).

So, am I happy to move ? As the wife , of course. Is it the part of the marriage vows? to be together? in good time and in hard time. Even though that I can't really put this moving part as the "hard" time at all. It 's life, it's evolving, it must goes on. Marriage is the time for us not to be selfish. So if we must move? so what? Do I forced my husband to stay, to make me happy ( for example) but without a job?

We got priority, and for me family and job is the priority ( no one can survive in this world without a job right? unless you are the heir of somebody bloody wealthy but even so, just waiting for the "money" without working is not healthy).So if that's mean we will need to move, then be it.

But is it ideal? To move so much? No.

But nothing is "ideal" according to each individual perspective. "Ideal" is varies from person to person . And I saw many other families that are moving quite often too. And their family is just find.They will have certain disadvantages of course , but also advantages.

Some asked :so what will you do over there? work? doing online store again? or what?

I can't answer that just yet. My priority is just to settle our family first. And there are a lot of stuffs to be sorted out. And I allow myself to have a" slow" time. I can't just plan for my self and being selfish. I am a mother and wife first. And I got no one there to help me , I REPEAT : NO ONE. I need to find a reliable maid/nanny , and then I can plan what I will do, once I have the confidence to leave my kids with my maid/nanny. I am planning to homeschool both or at least one of my girls. So there are a lot of my activities need to be adjusted, a lot of things need to think about, activities to choose, and many other simple stuffs that I can't think of right now.

So I give my self about a couple of months being the real meaning of the " full time mother"with no help. Allow my self to make mistake in choosing : maid ( I will not be surprise it will take a few maid before we can find the good one), house ( maybe we choose wrong locations, or wrong floor ect), school ( maybe) , allow my self to be lost in the city, go to the wrong building, saying the wrong words, buying the wrong things, etc. If I do not allow myself to make mistake, I will be so stress out and who is the victim? My family , my kids to be exact.

The different for us ( compare to other who is moving out from their home town) is also that I am not leaving KK for temporary and will be back here in anytime , or I can come back once a week, or twice a month, or just drop my children to my parent's house.. No, we do not have that privilege. We are " moving" in the real meaning. I m not sure when I can see my "house" again, we are not just lock it and emptied in and be back next year. And we can't just leave a few items here at the moment, we do not have the place for that. We need to bring it with us or leave it here.

So if you are in the mids of "change" please allow yourself to make mistakes ( not too often) and learn from it! And don't forget to laugh at yourself! And that is the best medicine!

Culture shock!

Culture shock refers to the anxiety and feelings (of surprise, disorientation, uncertainty, confusion, etc.) felt when people have to operate within a different and unknown cultural or social environment, such as a foreign country. It grows out of the difficulties in assimilating the new culture, causing difficulty in knowing what is appropriate and what is not. This is often combined with a dislike for or even disgust (moral oraesthetical) with certain aspects of the new or different culture.

Taken from Wikipedia

Phases of culture shock

The shock (of moving to a foreign country) often consists of distinct phases, though not everyone passes through these phases and not everyone is in the new culture long enough to pass through all three^[1]:

• Honeymoon Phase - During this period the differences between the old and new culture are seen in a romantic light, wonderful and new. For example, in moving to a new country, an individual might love the new foods, the pace of the life, the people's habits, the buildings and so on. During the first few weeks most people are fascinated by the new culture. They associate with the nationals that speak their language and are polite to the foreigners. This period is full of observations and new discoveries. Like many honeymoons this stage eventually ends.^[2]
• Negotiation Phase - After some time (usually weeks), differences between the old and new culture become apparent and may create anxiety. One may long for food the way it is prepared in one's native country, may find the pace of life too fast or slow, may find the people's habits annoying, disgusting, and irritating etc. This phase is often marked by mood swings caused by minor issues or without apparent reason. This is where excitement turns to disappointment and more and more differences start to occur.^[3] Depression is not uncommon.
• Adjustment Phase - Again, after some time (usually 6 – 12 months), one grows accustomed to the new culture and develops routines. One knows what to expect in most situations and the host country no longer feels all that new. One becomes concerned with basic living again, and things become more "normal".One starts to develop problem-solving skills for dealing with the culture, and begins to accept the culture ways with a positive attitude. The culture begins to make sense, and negative reactions and responses to the culture are reduced. Reaching this stage requires a constructive response to culture shock with effective means of adaption.^[4]

My Culture Shock' Phase in simple words:

Phase 1: to the opposite of what stated on the "honeymoon" state above, when I first just arrived in new place and culture, I will not have the honeymoon phase. Instead I will have the

" observant" phase.

Negotiation Phase : Yes I do have the negotiation phase , where I start to understand and accepting more about the positives and negatives sides. For instance : When I just first arrived from China to Sabah, I found that the pace of living and working manners here are too slow. ( hello.. China? every country is SLOW comparing to China and everything is so SMALL comparing to China ).And that the people here are not creative enough and they should use their potential more. Also the culture here are very relaxing and laid back. And I didnt understand why people complaint that they said they live far away , while it is actually just about 20 minutes drive?

But I also very much relieve that almost no one spit in the elevator or shopping centre like in China.

Adapting Phase : the easiest phase. I think I also become more laid back, more slow hahahah... and without realizing I also start to say that 20 minutes drives now is FAR according to my standard of timing!!! hahahaha...

But after a few years , normally I will feel so comfortable to be in the host country. Feel really like home. I remember , once, after we come back from holiday, and we arrived in Shanghai, I got this relieve feeling... AAAH..... home.... this city is my home. But I felt weird, and happy at the same time. And then it happens again many times after , no matter where we lived, in Guang Zhou and Kota Kinabalu too. And yes , I have consider Kota Kinabalu part of my home, I got the feeling when I came back here after a trip overseas : aaah.. I am home....and I miss the beach, the weather, the city, even some food.....

May I say : I am a Cosmopolitan?

Cosmopolitan refer to A city/place or person that embraces its multicultural demographics( wikipedia.com)

The inside scoop of the "Expat" life

An expatriate (in abbreviated form, expat) is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country and culture other than that of the person's upbringing or legal residence. The word comes from the Latin ex (out of) and patria (country, fatherland).

This will be a post, about the so called "expat" life. In some term the "expat" can refer to"high end" lifestyle in some countries . The "expat" must live in the "expat" scoop and rarely blend with locals. They kids must goes to International School, buying only imported groceries items, buying only branded clothing and have a chauffeur that drive the family every where.

Others will look at the "expat family" like the V.I.P that can have everything and life looks so easy. Some will pity their kids for keeping moving around and worry that they won't get friends and can't keep up with school, Some will envy them for their lifestyle or the opportunity to see more part of the worlds.

Some will stereotypes the expat wives as the THAI THAI type, do nothing but going to beauty saloon , lunch at the 5 stars hotel, or just sipping a cup of coffee by the prestige member only gym club.

If any of that were those what you have in mind, we as the "expat" for more than 10 years can confirm you that none of that is true , at least not for our family.

It is very interesting to know what people know about " the expat" is very limited. They often forget that we need the legal pass to obtain a temporary living permit here, some case won't allow us to send our kids to local goverment school ( special permit is required) , we need to put money aside for travelling back to our home countries, we do not have any relatives or long child hood friends, we don't know the place or city as much as the local ( obviously), our children don't have any aunts or uncles or other adult figure that can spoil them once in a while,we are not often invited to relatives wedding or cousin's engagement or sister in law's inauguration party, that we rent our house/apartment, and we will not stay in once city or place forever. And the most "shocking" question of all ( that I ever get) is : What kind of nationality do your children have? Chinese/Malaysian ? Just because someone born in one country that doesn't make one the citizen. Citizen always must follow the parents' in most of the cases .

Being "expat" that mean you will not be entitled to certain things in the country you are residing. Like certain contests or activities that only open to the citizen. There are also many bittersweet moments, specially during festive seasons, when we feel the most, we do not have family /relatives here to celebrate Chinese New Year, Christmas, or we miss our best friend's wedding because we are unable to return home

In our case, both of us , never live in either of our home countries ( Italy and Indonesia), so the countries that we've been living are both foreign to us. I know many "expat" married with local , or the opposite that if the wife ( is the expat ) and live int he home country of the husband, and that's make it easier at least there are one side of the family/relatives to give them support or help.

It 's can be quite intimidating to move to a new country , with small children , and no family or relatives , specially if the country is far away from your own.More if you can't speak the local language or read or write and if English is not mainly use there. But as expat wife and mom, it is the main task to solve the "domestic" problem, while the husband is handling with the new job in the new place.

Through the Globalization, the number of expatriate employment are rocketing up . Now a days , the expat from Europe and North America are dominating the United Emirate Arab and The People Republic of China and also the S.E Asia countries.

But some of these expat, decided not to bring the whole family. Due to many reason, one of the most obvious is if the wife has a great career in their country and can't afford to loose the job. Mostly for expat family , they will be just one single income, as dependent pass are not allowed to work by law. So that is why, in most cases , the expat package is higher compare the local counterparts. And due to the must leave the "comfort" zone in their own hometown.

As from marriage point a view. Being "the expat" can either strengthen or weaken your marriage. Being far from either side of family and relatives means that you only have each other to holding on, you are each other best friend in the foreign world. There are no way I could run away for 2 nights to go back to my parent's place because we have a small argument about who forget to turn of the porch's lights the other day.Expat wife doesnt have that " luxury" ok? It will cost a pile of money if for every single small arguments I need to go back to my hometown.

In the more "glamorous" words, the expat wife is the " The Manager", "Personal Assistant", some time even" Translator", " Cheerleader" , "Therapist" ( for the stress and overworked husband) and most of all " The support pillar" . Beside those roles , the wife other roles are: the cook, the laundry lady, the MOM , the driver, the private tutor for the kids, the sexy wife on the bed , and the beautiful and smart wife that he can be proud of to bring to the company annual dinner.

Sound interesting? or scary? At least I try to open up that not all the "expat wives" are tagged with THAI THAI labels.

The ability to adapt is one of the strongest skills the "expat" wife must learn. Either she was born with it or.. she doesn't have a choice. Just take a small simple adapting situation : the house. Housing is the very basic needs of course, we need to have house, most of the time "expat" will rent the accommodation if it is not provided by the company. Depends on the city , country, job position or company rules. In some metropolitan cities the rent could be a whooping rocketing sky. In some quite place the rental could be lower. In some company , they might provide the housing for the staffs inside the company premises ( such if your husband is working for Hotel chains or Resort) . Sometimes we can afford to rent a spacious size of semi detached house ( like our current situation ) but I know, if we move to bigger city, this house would be just a history. In other big city ,with the much more higher rental fee, with the same money , we could only rent a studio apartment or 2 bedroom apartment not in a central area. If I complaint if we live in a small 2-3 bedroom apartment and nag to my husband that I want to rent a bigger house, I don't thing is fair for him. Because , it is unreasonable, to spend , let's say 1/3 of the salary to rental fee. We adapt. We always need to.

During our first year of expat life, we lived in 2 bedrooms apartment, studio apartment, 3 bedroom apartment , and a nice semi detached here in KK. But it doesn't mean that I will not accept to live in the apartment anymore. This is the " Teflon " moment, Either I must cook with it or let it slide. But for me "House is made from bricks and stones, but Home is made by loves and family. And this is what I am doing, as the wife , I am building the HOME for our family, not from the size or price but with loves and warmth . What is for a big , pretty house but filled with anger and loneliness and arguments? I much prefer a small apartment filled with joy, laughter, and happiness.

There are so many other situation that you need to experience it to be able to understand it. Some time the situation or location is not perfect but we must endure it.

It is frustrate me sometimes to see, some women , that doesn't want to compromise for the sake of the husband's better career, those who refuse to move out their hometown , because she doesn't have the mother there, no one help her to take care of her children, or in the new country they can't have their own car and must take public transport or they can't live in the landed property , and must rent the government apartment, or worry for the children being abuse because they are not locals and look different.

During the last 10 years, we live far from our families, far from friends, far from the food that I love, people that I love, I need to get to know new places, new cities, getting to know new people, doing new things, learn new languages.

Do I have any regrets? Absolutely no . I feel so fortunate to be able to know many cultures, it helps me to open up my mind, to gain new respect to certain races and places, to witness many wonderful friendship, and this is what I am telling my children. To see this life as the journey, to see the pages of our life being unfold, to hold the future. I am not gonna say that it is easy, but we will try and to endure and adapt.

It is not the strongest species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change.

- Charles Darwin