An expatriate (in abbreviated form, expat) is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country and culture other than that of the person's upbringing or legal residence. The word comes from the Latin ex (out of) and patria (country, fatherland).
This will be a post, about the so called "expat" life. In some term the "expat" can refer to"high end" lifestyle in some countries . The "expat" must live in the "expat" scoop and rarely blend with locals. They kids must goes to International School, buying only imported groceries items, buying only branded clothing and have a chauffeur that drive the family every where.
Others will look at the "expat family" like the V.I.P that can have everything and life looks so easy. Some will pity their kids for keeping moving around and worry that they won't get friends and can't keep up with school, Some will envy them for their lifestyle or the opportunity to see more part of the worlds.
Some will stereotypes the expat wives as the THAI THAI type, do nothing but going to beauty saloon , lunch at the 5 stars hotel, or just sipping a cup of coffee by the prestige member only gym club.
If any of that were those what you have in mind, we as the "expat" for more than 10 years can confirm you that none of that is true , at least not for our family.
It is very interesting to know what people know about " the expat" is very limited. They often forget that we need the legal pass to obtain a temporary living permit here, some case won't allow us to send our kids to local goverment school ( special permit is required) , we need to put money aside for travelling back to our home countries, we do not have any relatives or long child hood friends, we don't know the place or city as much as the local ( obviously), our children don't have any aunts or uncles or other adult figure that can spoil them once in a while,we are not often invited to relatives wedding or cousin's engagement or sister in law's inauguration party, that we rent our house/apartment, and we will not stay in once city or place forever. And the most "shocking" question of all ( that I ever get) is : What kind of nationality do your children have? Chinese/Malaysian ? Just because someone born in one country that doesn't make one the citizen. Citizen always must follow the parents' in most of the cases .
Being "expat" that mean you will not be entitled to certain things in the country you are residing. Like certain contests or activities that only open to the citizen. There are also many bittersweet moments, specially during festive seasons, when we feel the most, we do not have family /relatives here to celebrate Chinese New Year, Christmas, or we miss our best friend's wedding because we are unable to return home
In our case, both of us , never live in either of our home countries ( Italy and Indonesia), so the countries that we've been living are both foreign to us. I know many "expat" married with local , or the opposite that if the wife ( is the expat ) and live int he home country of the husband, and that's make it easier at least there are one side of the family/relatives to give them support or help.
It 's can be quite intimidating to move to a new country , with small children , and no family or relatives , specially if the country is far away from your own.More if you can't speak the local language or read or write and if English is not mainly use there. But as expat wife and mom, it is the main task to solve the "domestic" problem, while the husband is handling with the new job in the new place.
Through the Globalization, the number of expatriate employment are rocketing up . Now a days , the expat from Europe and North America are dominating the United Emirate Arab and The People Republic of China and also the S.E Asia countries.
But some of these expat, decided not to bring the whole family. Due to many reason, one of the most obvious is if the wife has a great career in their country and can't afford to loose the job. Mostly for expat family , they will be just one single income, as dependent pass are not allowed to work by law. So that is why, in most cases , the expat package is higher compare the local counterparts. And due to the must leave the "comfort" zone in their own hometown.
As from marriage point a view. Being "the expat" can either strengthen or weaken your marriage. Being far from either side of family and relatives means that you only have each other to holding on, you are each other best friend in the foreign world. There are no way I could run away for 2 nights to go back to my parent's place because we have a small argument about who forget to turn of the porch's lights the other day.Expat wife doesnt have that " luxury" ok? It will cost a pile of money if for every single small arguments I need to go back to my hometown.
In the more "glamorous" words, the expat wife is the " The Manager", "Personal Assistant", some time even" Translator", " Cheerleader" , "Therapist" ( for the stress and overworked husband) and most of all " The support pillar" . Beside those roles , the wife other roles are: the cook, the laundry lady, the MOM , the driver, the private tutor for the kids, the sexy wife on the bed , and the beautiful and smart wife that he can be proud of to bring to the company annual dinner.
Sound interesting? or scary? At least I try to open up that not all the "expat wives" are tagged with THAI THAI labels.
The ability to adapt is one of the strongest skills the "expat" wife must learn. Either she was born with it or.. she doesn't have a choice. Just take a small simple adapting situation : the house. Housing is the very basic needs of course, we need to have house, most of the time "expat" will rent the accommodation if it is not provided by the company. Depends on the city , country, job position or company rules. In some metropolitan cities the rent could be a whooping rocketing sky. In some quite place the rental could be lower. In some company , they might provide the housing for the staffs inside the company premises ( such if your husband is working for Hotel chains or Resort) . Sometimes we can afford to rent a spacious size of semi detached house ( like our current situation ) but I know, if we move to bigger city, this house would be just a history. In other big city ,with the much more higher rental fee, with the same money , we could only rent a studio apartment or 2 bedroom apartment not in a central area. If I complaint if we live in a small 2-3 bedroom apartment and nag to my husband that I want to rent a bigger house, I don't thing is fair for him. Because , it is unreasonable, to spend , let's say 1/3 of the salary to rental fee. We adapt. We always need to.
During our first year of expat life, we lived in 2 bedrooms apartment, studio apartment, 3 bedroom apartment , and a nice semi detached here in KK. But it doesn't mean that I will not accept to live in the apartment anymore. This is the " Teflon " moment, Either I must cook with it or let it slide. But for me "House is made from bricks and stones, but Home is made by loves and family. And this is what I am doing, as the wife , I am building the HOME for our family, not from the size or price but with loves and warmth . What is for a big , pretty house but filled with anger and loneliness and arguments? I much prefer a small apartment filled with joy, laughter, and happiness.
There are so many other situation that you need to experience it to be able to understand it. Some time the situation or location is not perfect but we must endure it.
It is frustrate me sometimes to see, some women , that doesn't want to compromise for the sake of the husband's better career, those who refuse to move out their hometown , because she doesn't have the mother there, no one help her to take care of her children, or in the new country they can't have their own car and must take public transport or they can't live in the landed property , and must rent the government apartment, or worry for the children being abuse because they are not locals and look different.
During the last 10 years, we live far from our families, far from friends, far from the food that I love, people that I love, I need to get to know new places, new cities, getting to know new people, doing new things, learn new languages.
Do I have any regrets? Absolutely no . I feel so fortunate to be able to know many cultures, it helps me to open up my mind, to gain new respect to certain races and places, to witness many wonderful friendship, and this is what I am telling my children. To see this life as the journey, to see the pages of our life being unfold, to hold the future. I am not gonna say that it is easy, but we will try and to endure and adapt.
It is not the strongest species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change.
- Charles Darwin
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