Got her ears pierced!

This suppose to be posted to my facebook only. But then... you know la... hehehe error ( mainly my brain) so it was posted here too!

Yes I just pierced Maya's ears. She's been asking for it for a while. And I kept telling her : It will be painful, you know! She said : I know BAH! ( very Sabahan ) .

So finally we did it. The first left ear, she didn't even cry. But after the second one, she cried. For a while only. I bought her a spiderman balloon. And the rest are history.

I had mine when I was about 11 years old. I went with my sister. I didn't cry though.

What is your ears piercing story?

Moving....help needed

Hi..all

I just got my own domain for my blog , now it is www.2handedoctopus.com.

And due to this, I lost my blog list on the right panel. Please if you don't see your blog on the list, leave comment with your blog address. Or if you want to recommend more blogs just leave a comment too!

Thank you all!!!

Culture shock!

Culture shock refers to the anxiety and feelings (of surprise, disorientation, uncertainty, confusion, etc.) felt when people have to operate within a different and unknown cultural or social environment, such as a foreign country. It grows out of the difficulties in assimilating the new culture, causing difficulty in knowing what is appropriate and what is not. This is often combined with a dislike for or even disgust (moral oraesthetical) with certain aspects of the new or different culture.

Taken from Wikipedia

Phases of culture shock

The shock (of moving to a foreign country) often consists of distinct phases, though not everyone passes through these phases and not everyone is in the new culture long enough to pass through all three^[1]:

• Honeymoon Phase - During this period the differences between the old and new culture are seen in a romantic light, wonderful and new. For example, in moving to a new country, an individual might love the new foods, the pace of the life, the people's habits, the buildings and so on. During the first few weeks most people are fascinated by the new culture. They associate with the nationals that speak their language and are polite to the foreigners. This period is full of observations and new discoveries. Like many honeymoons this stage eventually ends.^[2]
• Negotiation Phase - After some time (usually weeks), differences between the old and new culture become apparent and may create anxiety. One may long for food the way it is prepared in one's native country, may find the pace of life too fast or slow, may find the people's habits annoying, disgusting, and irritating etc. This phase is often marked by mood swings caused by minor issues or without apparent reason. This is where excitement turns to disappointment and more and more differences start to occur.^[3] Depression is not uncommon.
• Adjustment Phase - Again, after some time (usually 6 – 12 months), one grows accustomed to the new culture and develops routines. One knows what to expect in most situations and the host country no longer feels all that new. One becomes concerned with basic living again, and things become more "normal".One starts to develop problem-solving skills for dealing with the culture, and begins to accept the culture ways with a positive attitude. The culture begins to make sense, and negative reactions and responses to the culture are reduced. Reaching this stage requires a constructive response to culture shock with effective means of adaption.^[4]

My Culture Shock' Phase in simple words:

Phase 1: to the opposite of what stated on the "honeymoon" state above, when I first just arrived in new place and culture, I will not have the honeymoon phase. Instead I will have the

" observant" phase.

Negotiation Phase : Yes I do have the negotiation phase , where I start to understand and accepting more about the positives and negatives sides. For instance : When I just first arrived from China to Sabah, I found that the pace of living and working manners here are too slow. ( hello.. China? every country is SLOW comparing to China and everything is so SMALL comparing to China ).And that the people here are not creative enough and they should use their potential more. Also the culture here are very relaxing and laid back. And I didnt understand why people complaint that they said they live far away , while it is actually just about 20 minutes drive?

But I also very much relieve that almost no one spit in the elevator or shopping centre like in China.

Adapting Phase : the easiest phase. I think I also become more laid back, more slow hahahah... and without realizing I also start to say that 20 minutes drives now is FAR according to my standard of timing!!! hahahaha...

But after a few years , normally I will feel so comfortable to be in the host country. Feel really like home. I remember , once, after we come back from holiday, and we arrived in Shanghai, I got this relieve feeling... AAAH..... home.... this city is my home. But I felt weird, and happy at the same time. And then it happens again many times after , no matter where we lived, in Guang Zhou and Kota Kinabalu too. And yes , I have consider Kota Kinabalu part of my home, I got the feeling when I came back here after a trip overseas : aaah.. I am home....and I miss the beach, the weather, the city, even some food.....

May I say : I am a Cosmopolitan?

Cosmopolitan refer to A city/place or person that embraces its multicultural demographics( wikipedia.com)

The inside scoop of the "Expat" life

An expatriate (in abbreviated form, expat) is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country and culture other than that of the person's upbringing or legal residence. The word comes from the Latin ex (out of) and patria (country, fatherland).

This will be a post, about the so called "expat" life. In some term the "expat" can refer to"high end" lifestyle in some countries . The "expat" must live in the "expat" scoop and rarely blend with locals. They kids must goes to International School, buying only imported groceries items, buying only branded clothing and have a chauffeur that drive the family every where.

Others will look at the "expat family" like the V.I.P that can have everything and life looks so easy. Some will pity their kids for keeping moving around and worry that they won't get friends and can't keep up with school, Some will envy them for their lifestyle or the opportunity to see more part of the worlds.

Some will stereotypes the expat wives as the THAI THAI type, do nothing but going to beauty saloon , lunch at the 5 stars hotel, or just sipping a cup of coffee by the prestige member only gym club.

If any of that were those what you have in mind, we as the "expat" for more than 10 years can confirm you that none of that is true , at least not for our family.

It is very interesting to know what people know about " the expat" is very limited. They often forget that we need the legal pass to obtain a temporary living permit here, some case won't allow us to send our kids to local goverment school ( special permit is required) , we need to put money aside for travelling back to our home countries, we do not have any relatives or long child hood friends, we don't know the place or city as much as the local ( obviously), our children don't have any aunts or uncles or other adult figure that can spoil them once in a while,we are not often invited to relatives wedding or cousin's engagement or sister in law's inauguration party, that we rent our house/apartment, and we will not stay in once city or place forever. And the most "shocking" question of all ( that I ever get) is : What kind of nationality do your children have? Chinese/Malaysian ? Just because someone born in one country that doesn't make one the citizen. Citizen always must follow the parents' in most of the cases .

Being "expat" that mean you will not be entitled to certain things in the country you are residing. Like certain contests or activities that only open to the citizen. There are also many bittersweet moments, specially during festive seasons, when we feel the most, we do not have family /relatives here to celebrate Chinese New Year, Christmas, or we miss our best friend's wedding because we are unable to return home

In our case, both of us , never live in either of our home countries ( Italy and Indonesia), so the countries that we've been living are both foreign to us. I know many "expat" married with local , or the opposite that if the wife ( is the expat ) and live int he home country of the husband, and that's make it easier at least there are one side of the family/relatives to give them support or help.

It 's can be quite intimidating to move to a new country , with small children , and no family or relatives , specially if the country is far away from your own.More if you can't speak the local language or read or write and if English is not mainly use there. But as expat wife and mom, it is the main task to solve the "domestic" problem, while the husband is handling with the new job in the new place.

Through the Globalization, the number of expatriate employment are rocketing up . Now a days , the expat from Europe and North America are dominating the United Emirate Arab and The People Republic of China and also the S.E Asia countries.

But some of these expat, decided not to bring the whole family. Due to many reason, one of the most obvious is if the wife has a great career in their country and can't afford to loose the job. Mostly for expat family , they will be just one single income, as dependent pass are not allowed to work by law. So that is why, in most cases , the expat package is higher compare the local counterparts. And due to the must leave the "comfort" zone in their own hometown.

As from marriage point a view. Being "the expat" can either strengthen or weaken your marriage. Being far from either side of family and relatives means that you only have each other to holding on, you are each other best friend in the foreign world. There are no way I could run away for 2 nights to go back to my parent's place because we have a small argument about who forget to turn of the porch's lights the other day.Expat wife doesnt have that " luxury" ok? It will cost a pile of money if for every single small arguments I need to go back to my hometown.

In the more "glamorous" words, the expat wife is the " The Manager", "Personal Assistant", some time even" Translator", " Cheerleader" , "Therapist" ( for the stress and overworked husband) and most of all " The support pillar" . Beside those roles , the wife other roles are: the cook, the laundry lady, the MOM , the driver, the private tutor for the kids, the sexy wife on the bed , and the beautiful and smart wife that he can be proud of to bring to the company annual dinner.

Sound interesting? or scary? At least I try to open up that not all the "expat wives" are tagged with THAI THAI labels.

The ability to adapt is one of the strongest skills the "expat" wife must learn. Either she was born with it or.. she doesn't have a choice. Just take a small simple adapting situation : the house. Housing is the very basic needs of course, we need to have house, most of the time "expat" will rent the accommodation if it is not provided by the company. Depends on the city , country, job position or company rules. In some metropolitan cities the rent could be a whooping rocketing sky. In some quite place the rental could be lower. In some company , they might provide the housing for the staffs inside the company premises ( such if your husband is working for Hotel chains or Resort) . Sometimes we can afford to rent a spacious size of semi detached house ( like our current situation ) but I know, if we move to bigger city, this house would be just a history. In other big city ,with the much more higher rental fee, with the same money , we could only rent a studio apartment or 2 bedroom apartment not in a central area. If I complaint if we live in a small 2-3 bedroom apartment and nag to my husband that I want to rent a bigger house, I don't thing is fair for him. Because , it is unreasonable, to spend , let's say 1/3 of the salary to rental fee. We adapt. We always need to.

During our first year of expat life, we lived in 2 bedrooms apartment, studio apartment, 3 bedroom apartment , and a nice semi detached here in KK. But it doesn't mean that I will not accept to live in the apartment anymore. This is the " Teflon " moment, Either I must cook with it or let it slide. But for me "House is made from bricks and stones, but Home is made by loves and family. And this is what I am doing, as the wife , I am building the HOME for our family, not from the size or price but with loves and warmth . What is for a big , pretty house but filled with anger and loneliness and arguments? I much prefer a small apartment filled with joy, laughter, and happiness.

There are so many other situation that you need to experience it to be able to understand it. Some time the situation or location is not perfect but we must endure it.

It is frustrate me sometimes to see, some women , that doesn't want to compromise for the sake of the husband's better career, those who refuse to move out their hometown , because she doesn't have the mother there, no one help her to take care of her children, or in the new country they can't have their own car and must take public transport or they can't live in the landed property , and must rent the government apartment, or worry for the children being abuse because they are not locals and look different.

During the last 10 years, we live far from our families, far from friends, far from the food that I love, people that I love, I need to get to know new places, new cities, getting to know new people, doing new things, learn new languages.

Do I have any regrets? Absolutely no . I feel so fortunate to be able to know many cultures, it helps me to open up my mind, to gain new respect to certain races and places, to witness many wonderful friendship, and this is what I am telling my children. To see this life as the journey, to see the pages of our life being unfold, to hold the future. I am not gonna say that it is easy, but we will try and to endure and adapt.

It is not the strongest species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change.

- Charles Darwin

Time for Miracles ( sneak peek)

Soundtrack for 2012 movie, Adam Lambert present the single Time for Miracles!
Available on amazon.com by end of this month.

WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Older, Bolder, Wiser, Stronger

It was my birthday recently. And I am hitting the 33rd milestones! WOW! :)

I don't even feel 33. How is 33 old woman suppose to fee?

Anyway it's been a long time since the day I was born back in Jakarta. 3 decades and 3 years. Being the 4th child ( out of 5) in the family, I must said it suits me very well. I am the youngest girl in the family, I have 3 older sisters ( one is a lot more different than the other) , but I still can put out the "bigger sister" rank to my younger bro. Great right? hahaha. I can be the " baby" and " bossy" at the same time.

Being older means being wiser ( hopefully) for me but without losing my "true self". I am still the same person as 15 years ago and today. I've learn a great deal, I saw the pain and the beauty of this life, I feel and stumble, I made mistakes ., I did stupid things, I did childish thing, I said some rude and thoughtless stuffs and even hurt the people that I love.

But I do allow my self to grow and to make mistakes in life. And I allow people around me to have the same right too. Let them grow and make mistakes once in a while. Because you can learn a new knowledge but wisdom must be gain from experience in life. Make the experience or even mistake worth it. Take something good out of the bad thing, always look at the silver lining in the storm.

I feel much more confident in my 30's compare to the 20's . I know more about my self as I grow. I know my strength, and my weakness. And I love my self for the complete package , and yes that include the bad and the good. The cellulite and the stretchmarks, the wrinkles and the cracked heels, the flat nose and the big pores. ^_^ AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH........ :)

Great article : Over pampering Children

By Kenny toh ( taken from theasianparents.com)

Parenting is an inherently service-oriented vocation. The things that parents typically do for their children include changing their diapers, clothing them, feeding them, chauffeuring them to and fro school and enrichment classes, etc,. And we do that out of love.

Acclaimed author and family counsellor Gary Chapman classifies these ‘acts of service’ as one of the ‘five love languages’ (the remaining four are words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time and gifts).

Most parents would willingly serve their children without expecting anything in return. Perhaps, it is our basic parental duty to do for our children what they are incapable of doing by themselves, at least until they develop and grow into capable, competent, and self-reliant individuals. However, we ought to be keenly aware of the common tendency to do too much for our children or to jump in to assist them at the first sign of struggle. In doing so, we risk depriving them the learning opportunities that are essential for their healthy development and growth.

Balancing our propensity to serve out of love and our desire to nurture our children’s sense of responsibility and independence is a delicate one. It requires some degree of awareness and an on-going assessment of what we ought to progressively let go or cease doing for our children as they mature and develop with time, exposure and gaining of new skills. A common example is to let school-going children manage their own homework.

Instead of having to constantly nag, remind or insist that children finish their homework diligently, wouldn’t it be easier to let them be motivated by their intrinsic desire to be seen as ‘good and responsible pupils’ and to avoid the potential negative consequences (be it guilt, anxiety or punishment) of not completing their work? Nagging or reminding children to do their homework is undoubtedly another act of service that is driven by a loving intention. However, when we cease trying to ‘teach’ and instead seek to create opportunities for our children to ‘learn’ responsibility and independence, a great deal of unnecessary daily battles could be avoided, thereby leaving room for us to play a more nurturing role while maintaining a positive, supportive and encouraging relationship with them.

While it is our parental duty to serve, it is also imperative that we learn to step back and allow our children to develop independence and responsibility through the experience of difficulties and mistakes. At times, too much service can be a disservice that impedes their development.

About the author

This article is written by Kenny Toh, a professional coach, passionate father, and the founder of The Coaching Academy, Institute of Advanced Parentology and International Network for Parents as Coaches.

As a leading advocate for Parents-as-Coaches and Non-Punitive Discipline in Singapore, Kenny is committed to advancing the practice of parenting through a multidisciplinary approach that integrates the principles and practices from various disciplines including philosophy, psychology, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and personal development.

He has been invited to speak at public seminars such as Joyful Parenting Conference 2006 and Great Parenting Seminar 2007, and a wide range of educational institutions including Nanyang Technological University, National Junior College, secondary schools, primary schools and pre-schools. His insights and writings on parenting-related topics have been featured frequently in publications such as Readers’ Digest Asia, Straits Time’s Mind Your Body, Young Parents, Today’s Parents, Family Magazine, Mother and Baby, and Young Families.

To find our more information about Kenny's work, kindly email contactus@advancedparentology.com or visit www.advanceparentology.com and www.parentingwithoutpunishment.org.

Krabi- Best moments part 3( end)

We went to the "Diamond Cave" one afternoon. What a name huh? Indy asked me : will we see any diamond and can we bring it home? . Yeah how I wish!!!

Anyway despite the non diamond thing, the cave it self is so pretty. This time the cave adventure is pretty easy one, there are wooden path way , so we just follow the path way and there are some lights too, but we still need to bring flashlight to be able to spot a good rocks or stalactite.

On the way to Diamond Cave, we say hallo to our new "friend" dum dum , the only dog in Railay.

The way to the cave.

Are you ready? we are going in!

The stalactite. Pretty right?

However, we would not be The Rocco if we don't do a bit of drama. :) My husband knocked his head with the low stalactite and his sunglasses feel off below the pathway. :) He must jump down and took it, and then climb back up. I thought it was a pretty bad knocked he got there, but lucky no blood just a bump .

After that he still manage to go up the rock ( just to impressed the girls )
The day before , Maya cut her foot at the swimming pool edge. Ouch. We clean the cut with alcohol and put plaster over it.

And of course the girls spent a lot of time playing with the sand, well actually me and my dh also play with the sand. We build a "city" , big bath tub, and Indy also made a drawing on the sand. The fun with the sand is endless.

Want to see what do I have here?

TADPOLES!!!!

One of the favorite thing to do in Thailand is to EAT! One the best memory about Thailand is the seafood galore. ^_^ and seafood is great over there. It is not the same style like in Malaysia. Basically we just choose the kind of fish, or prawn, squid etc , they will just grilled it, and the sauce come separately . Normally they will give : garlic butter, green curry, and my favorite the mixture of fish sauce, lime, chili padi and lemon grass!

Not only seafood , there is also the kebab ( beef)
Barracuda. See the middle part is gone! Yup that is our portion ....

This is us, on the last night in Railay, flying the "lantern" hot air balloon. We bought that in Ao Nang . We let go 2 of that balloon.

When we had a great time, time passed very fast. We were at the end of our holiday already. Here are some of the activities that we enjoyed the most :

Playing in front of our cottage

Cleaning time in the jacuzzi.
late afternoon walk


Walking and running at the beach

The last day at Railay, we took the last chance to run freely on the beach, the weather seems to be so perfect right? WRONG!

Soaking wet!!

We took the long tail boat to Nam Ao then in the middle of the sea , a big heavy rain hit! hahaha imagine the coldness and OUR LUGGAGES !! Wet Wet Wet.....

Lucky I put every electronic things in the waterproof bags. It was fun! I am never worry for the kids to catch a cold because of the rain. Cold or flu is cause by virus not by rain. So we just enjoyed it, I was more worried for the luggages and our belongings actually :P

After a great dinner at the night market with our guides. They are getting married next year, and we are invited! Can't wait to go back again. Ate my last authentic Tom Yam there.

We stay our last day in Krabi town, met up with our guides again. We went to dinner at the local night market for the best local food. YUMMY! We left the next morning via Krabi airport to KLIA, then headed back to KK. No delay at all. The journey was smooth and easy.

During this vacation, Indy and Maya learned the basic Thai languages : Sawasdee Krap ( welcome greeting) and Kaprun Ka ( thank you) . They also learned many other things. The most fun is that , they don't even know that they were learning something :P and it was enjoyable at the same time too!

Over all this holiday is great. We did not manage to do all the things we wanted to do. But we didn't do to bad either! We always need to have a lot of compromising when we are traveling with young kids. But it's worth it. There is nothing more satisfying to see the big grin on their face, the delight excitement scream. I must admit it was not so easy for the parents, but again... the kids will just be kids only once, so I think despite all the screaming from the kids ( and parents) we had a great time after all!

What is mom favorite part of the holiday? I always love to just hang in and go around in swimsuit or with cover up dress or t shirt when I need to go to the indoor area ( just to be polite). Being care free and relax. With no make up and no fuss. I love make up but not during holiday by the beach and pool. :P To be able to wear bikini and not to worry that my " girls" suppose to be hanging 10 cm higher or my butt is not it the right place as it used to be. T_T . There are so many other ladies, some are moms, some are young, some are old. But, we were there to have fun and not to show off our body , who cares? We are not in a beauty pageant right?
Well maybe some of them do cares but I care less :P. I am a mom of two, in my early 30, what else can I ask for? I don't have perfect body but I am ok with it ^_^. And I also saw some 50-60 plus ladies still wearing bikini with confidence, that is my idol! They seems to enjoy their time, what the heck with those people staring on their sagging property , right? Go Ladies! My applause for those ladies! And they were so comfortable with their partner , and are enjoying their golden years. I do wish me and my husband can do that one day, when our children are all grown up and have life on their on, we can travel the world still be married and caring for each other.

Ok... wake up from dream, back to reality...... anyway we reached home by 8 at night , both girls were so happy to see their kakak, our dogs and their toys!!!! We all slept like a baby. Home sweet home indeed!

Arrivederci...till our next family adventure!