We'll hit the 9 soon - evaluating marriage

We gonna celebrate our 9th anniversary soon!
It's hard to believe that it's been 9 years! We will not celebrate it in any special way this time. But we will use this moment to re-evaluate our marriage.

It is a blessing to be married to the person of your dream or to one who can fulfill your dream.
Relationship is a mystery and a happy marriage will not come automatically after we sign the certificate, it will need to work on, to manage on. It will not just drop from a tree. And to live happily ever after right after we said "I do" only happens on fairy tales. In real life, Happy Ending means we need a LOT of: respect, support, understanding, caring and of course love.

In recent chat with one of my single and fabulous friend , we talked about marriage , she is still single and enjoy every second of it. Which is good to her. She came to ask me. what is the most important things to keep marriage healthy and alive? Is it Love only will be sufficient?
Absolutely not. If there is no respect and understanding i think it wont work at all.But yet after time, the once what looks like a perfect marriage can be fade by time, by routine, by stress, by work's demand , by house chores etc....
So she asked me again? How do you keep yours still in a pretty good shapes after all these years?
I dont even know how to answer her. I mean, our marriage is great, we are happy, blessed with 2 children and healthy. But it is not a smooth sailing all the time. There were ups and downs just like any other marriage.

I am not perfect and My husband is not too . I think beside love, respect, understanding that he is giving me, one thing I know, he never expect me to be "the perfect wife or mom" I think that is important. Everyone have they flaws , and we understand each other well. I am not expecting him to be the best husband, the best father by world's or somebody else's standard, he is a good already in my eyes. We know our limitation. We know what attitudes or habits that should never be crossed as husband and wife. We know how to trust each other. No one is perfect anyway.

I am not that kind of person who will brag about how good is my husband to public, how well he treats me or those kind of things. I don't bother with public image but i do care about reality.
and I am a believer that action speaks louder than words.

So back to marriage, a friend told me, after 9 years, our marriage is SOLID. We've passed all the ups and down and we are in the "safe" zone.
I must disagree with that. Ok for me the hardest time of marriage I think is the first couple of years. It was the time adjust, know each other better, etc.
But even after 9 years, doesn't mean we are in the "safe" zone.

Me and my husband been witnessing many of our family, and friend's marriages turned into total disasters in a real meaning. It was awful and painful for everyone.

The worst part for me is those people were in love before, they married by their own will, they married not for a wrong reasons, but yet after all these years ( some after 12 , 14 years of marriage, some just after 3,5,6 years) they become their worst enemies. How could you hate so much the person once you loved and do the things that will hurt each other so deeply.
Divorce never been a pretty things. It is terrible, and it is even worst for the children.
If people can't respect the other as their ex, could they just respect her/him as the mother/father of their children?

And all the failed marriage I saw, the cause are not infidelity , the cause are much more complicated, including financial problem , lack of communications, emotionally unavailable toward each other, jealousy, misunderstanding etc....

My mother in law once told me: a marriage is a hard thing, it is not easy to combine two very different individual into one life, one house on daily basis. So the last thing we need is the interfere from the third party, that is including PIL. This is your marriage she told me, and we are the one who run our marriage life. She can just give advices and help when we need too, but she won't interfere in it, she will respect all our decisions . She told me, as the mother in law, she will do anything to give us a happy marriage not to make it worst by interfering with our personal issues.
I think her point is excellent, she is a one great mother in law. And I adore her so much.


Back to the failed marriages that we know, the ironic part is, that those couple had gotten married because they fell in love with each other, because they wanted to be married. Imagine , many many years ago when the bride was not allowed to meet the groom and hadn't even meet the groom until the day of the marriage it self, but yet love can growth later on with time....
now adays it is the opposite....love can fade away instead of grow with time.

One thing I told my single and fabulous friend: don't get marry for a wrong reason, don't feel preasure because you have reached certain age and still single, don't worry what other's think. Don't let your parents push you to marry one guy you don't even like, do what your heart tell you, once you know he is the one , you will know it......

To all my married friends: Let's celebrate our role as wife and mom..... and cheers to HAPPY MARIAGE MANY MANY YEARS TO COME!!!!
And TO MY SINGLE AND FABULOUS FRIENDS OUT THERE ( OR FOR THOSE WHO IS SINGLE AGAIN): DO CATCH YOUR DREAM WHAT EVER IS IT, IF IT'S MARRIAGE WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR DON'T WORRY YOU WILL FIND YOUR PRINCE ONE DAY. REMEMBER THERE IS A LID FOR EVERY POT.
IF YOU CHOOSE TO BE SINGLE, LIVE IT ! THAT IS YOUR LIFE, BE ONE OF THOSE GREAT EPISODE OF THE SEX AND THE CITY GAL...AND BE FANTABULOUS !



PS: I will post our wedding pictures here soon.... :-) GRIN