According to the book and site that I read , the stages of marriage are : honeymoon stage, reality stage, child bearing stage, accommodation stage, transformation/success stage.
The early stage of love for most people is the Honeymoon stage. Oh my.. it feels like ages ago. We were both still very young. I was 21 , he was 24( pre married) Where all we did was having fun, going for dates, go to pub, dance, shop, getting to know each other. Where the differences between us seems to be no problem and we thought that with our love we will conquer everything. ( yeah right... keep read on)
Reality stage. Where all the reality hits... before and after married. We saw flaws in our partner ( where before he was perfect!) And then after marriage there are more problems : domestic household issue ( can he put the toilet sit down for once??? or can he close the toothpaste back???) and bills to pay... and then in laws to be pleased, or maybe noisy sister in law to face etc ... ( if you are married you could add more to the list by now). And the heat often turns cold. The frequency to make love has also drop specially when we reached the next stage Child bearing stage.
Child bearing stage according from the article :
The arrival of children is a particularly critical 'new reality' transition for marriages. Kids transform the focus of a family and can dramatically increase the stress level. There is simply so much more work, distraction, time pressure and potential conflict inherent in childrearing. Most marriages are not adequately equipped to cope well with this new family reality. It's very difficult to keep sufficient focus on the marriage relationship with the attention that kids demands, but it is essential to do so. The infancy of the second child is one of the riskiest periods in a marriage, since all these stress factors are multiplied with two young children requiring intensive attention in the family.
Couples who don't intentionally strategize and plan to keep their intimacy strong can begin to feel alienated and drift apart. This is why it's so important to have marriage preparation before the wedding or immediately after, before the more demanding marriage phases begin.
We are lucky we had two years after marriage with no kids , well we kinda planned it that way. I always know I would love to have kids one day but I also want to spend time with my husband for a couple of years at least with no kids. We both wanted the same thing and we wanted to traveled first, to see the world, to have more fun and most of it we want to be prepare financially before children.
I think we are now in between child bearing stage and the Accommodation stage right now.
Accommodation Stage - Couples work to renew their relationship on a down-to-earth basis by learning about their needs and managing their differences and areas of conflict.
We are still having communication problem sometimes. As my husband is at the busiest time in his career and for me too. Handling 2 young kids as well. Time management is the hardest part. We spend family time together only on Sunday and we take family time very seriously too. As well as parent's date night!
We believe to have strong bonding between husband and wife is important. The love might be there, but when there is no connection or bonding the feeling to each other might drift away and the sparks will be gone.
Some couples think that starting a family together will reinforce their bond. For many, it is the opposite. They may stay together because of their kids, but their tie to each other is actually diluted as their attachment to their children displaces their connection to each other.
I also agree on this. A couple need to know how many children do they want to have. Because being a parent is the most hardest job in the world and if you stay married together but not in the same page on raising your own children that will lead to more arguments sooner or later.
Hmm...sound so complicated isn't it? Do I make the single one out there scare of marriage? I do hope NOT! LOL
But just a little friendly advice... Marriage is not a noun , it is a verb, it requires a lots more than love alone, It needs understanding, and most important of all is friendship. ( yeah...sounds easy? That's mean you are not yet married! ^_^...) Those who are married will know, some times there are time when you can't just face your husband, where everything he said or did annoyed you to the core or even more! And yet you are still there together and your marriage is even stronger and you will think: to marry him is one of the best thing in your live! And yet... he STILL manage to annoy you again and again... vice versa! I know sometimes er.... ok...most of the time I am a very annoying wife too ^_^ ! LOL).
I remember a conversation with a childhood friend over a year ago back in my hometown.... she told me her marriage is safely running, smoothly, her husband always gives her way, listen to her, do anything to please her. When I heard this, I said : how lucky you are!!! But then she said , she feels like her marriage is too plain... to normal....something is missing, she is bored because there is no challenge in it, because the husband always do whatever to please her! buy anything she wants... Me of course screamed in horror: What's wrong with you???? I wish my dh do that to me!!! Buy ANYTHING I want,,, DO whatever to please me ( hallo?? New bag, new shoes, go to shop in Hongkong to revamp my wadrobe , why I must complaint?) . I told her :my situation is we " discuss " ( read : argue )where should we go, where do we eat. Even though we argue but I think it is just "us" , we do not argue seriously but I think me and him has a very strong opinions LOL. We are NOT a soft spoken couple for sure!
And then... I need to "hide" my new shopping stuffs ! LOL does it sound familiar to you??? So when I heard my friend's husband never do that, and she is bored I was like : are you nuts???? But to think again... maybe.. if my dh will just follow everything I want, do whatever I want... follow whatever I wish... I will be bored to the core!!! So you see.... Marriage is indeed a VERB!!! ^_^ We must work hard on it!
And I stumbled upon a funny quote in Facebook ( which ...funny enough...sarcastic but how true!!)
Marriage License should be like a Driver's License. Good for a few years, if you don't renew it, it expires!
Hmm...sound so complicated isn't it? Do I make the single one out there scare of marriage? I do hope NOT! LOL
But just a little friendly advice... Marriage is not a noun , it is a verb, it requires a lots more than love alone, It needs understanding, and most important of all is friendship. ( yeah...sounds easy? That's mean you are not yet married! ^_^...) Those who are married will know, some times there are time when you can't just face your husband, where everything he said or did annoyed you to the core or even more! And yet you are still there together and your marriage is even stronger and you will think: to marry him is one of the best thing in your live! And yet... he STILL manage to annoy you again and again... vice versa! I know sometimes er.... ok...most of the time I am a very annoying wife too ^_^ ! LOL).
I remember a conversation with a childhood friend over a year ago back in my hometown.... she told me her marriage is safely running, smoothly, her husband always gives her way, listen to her, do anything to please her. When I heard this, I said : how lucky you are!!! But then she said , she feels like her marriage is too plain... to normal....something is missing, she is bored because there is no challenge in it, because the husband always do whatever to please her! buy anything she wants... Me of course screamed in horror: What's wrong with you???? I wish my dh do that to me!!! Buy ANYTHING I want,,, DO whatever to please me ( hallo?? New bag, new shoes, go to shop in Hongkong to revamp my wadrobe , why I must complaint?) . I told her :my situation is we " discuss " ( read : argue )where should we go, where do we eat. Even though we argue but I think it is just "us" , we do not argue seriously but I think me and him has a very strong opinions LOL. We are NOT a soft spoken couple for sure!
And then... I need to "hide" my new shopping stuffs ! LOL does it sound familiar to you??? So when I heard my friend's husband never do that, and she is bored I was like : are you nuts???? But to think again... maybe.. if my dh will just follow everything I want, do whatever I want... follow whatever I wish... I will be bored to the core!!! So you see.... Marriage is indeed a VERB!!! ^_^ We must work hard on it!
And I stumbled upon a funny quote in Facebook ( which ...funny enough...sarcastic but how true!!)
Marriage License should be like a Driver's License. Good for a few years, if you don't renew it, it expires!
What do you think? :) I know it's sound stupid...but to think of it... There is truth in it. Marriage on the paper but it doesn't guarantee it will last forever. We need to "renew" " refresh" "rebuild" "reconnect" with your love one.. Else...it will be expire...
Oh well.. going to renew mine a bit tonight ! Nope! Not like what you are thinking!! LOL.... I will show him his "love letters" to me from more than 12 years ago ( gosh I feel so ancient!!) . I happen to found it when I clean my cabinet today. A bunch of our love letters from 1998 when we were apart for a few months! When I read it this afternoon ...hahahahahaa I was dying of laughter!!! Couldn't help it! I want to see his face later when I will show it to him!!!! hahahahah...And it is nice to remember those time...where we were still young, were uncertain about our future.... so many doubts, so many obstacles, and yet we are here now... laughing at our love letters 12 years later! Renew,,,,, Re-fresh.... Re-build.....Re- connect.....
XOXO
S.R
Oh well.. going to renew mine a bit tonight ! Nope! Not like what you are thinking!! LOL.... I will show him his "love letters" to me from more than 12 years ago ( gosh I feel so ancient!!) . I happen to found it when I clean my cabinet today. A bunch of our love letters from 1998 when we were apart for a few months! When I read it this afternoon ...hahahahahaa I was dying of laughter!!! Couldn't help it! I want to see his face later when I will show it to him!!!! hahahahah...And it is nice to remember those time...where we were still young, were uncertain about our future.... so many doubts, so many obstacles, and yet we are here now... laughing at our love letters 12 years later! Renew,,,,, Re-fresh.... Re-build.....Re- connect.....
XOXO
S.R
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