Great article : Over pampering Children

By Kenny toh ( taken from theasianparents.com)

Parenting is an inherently service-oriented vocation. The things that parents typically do for their children include changing their diapers, clothing them, feeding them, chauffeuring them to and fro school and enrichment classes, etc,. And we do that out of love.

Acclaimed author and family counsellor Gary Chapman classifies these ‘acts of service’ as one of the ‘five love languages’ (the remaining four are words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time and gifts).

Most parents would willingly serve their children without expecting anything in return. Perhaps, it is our basic parental duty to do for our children what they are incapable of doing by themselves, at least until they develop and grow into capable, competent, and self-reliant individuals. However, we ought to be keenly aware of the common tendency to do too much for our children or to jump in to assist them at the first sign of struggle. In doing so, we risk depriving them the learning opportunities that are essential for their healthy development and growth.

Balancing our propensity to serve out of love and our desire to nurture our children’s sense of responsibility and independence is a delicate one. It requires some degree of awareness and an on-going assessment of what we ought to progressively let go or cease doing for our children as they mature and develop with time, exposure and gaining of new skills. A common example is to let school-going children manage their own homework.

Instead of having to constantly nag, remind or insist that children finish their homework diligently, wouldn’t it be easier to let them be motivated by their intrinsic desire to be seen as ‘good and responsible pupils’ and to avoid the potential negative consequences (be it guilt, anxiety or punishment) of not completing their work? Nagging or reminding children to do their homework is undoubtedly another act of service that is driven by a loving intention. However, when we cease trying to ‘teach’ and instead seek to create opportunities for our children to ‘learn’ responsibility and independence, a great deal of unnecessary daily battles could be avoided, thereby leaving room for us to play a more nurturing role while maintaining a positive, supportive and encouraging relationship with them.

While it is our parental duty to serve, it is also imperative that we learn to step back and allow our children to develop independence and responsibility through the experience of difficulties and mistakes. At times, too much service can be a disservice that impedes their development.

About the author

This article is written by Kenny Toh, a professional coach, passionate father, and the founder of The Coaching Academy, Institute of Advanced Parentology and International Network for Parents as Coaches.

As a leading advocate for Parents-as-Coaches and Non-Punitive Discipline in Singapore, Kenny is committed to advancing the practice of parenting through a multidisciplinary approach that integrates the principles and practices from various disciplines including philosophy, psychology, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and personal development.

He has been invited to speak at public seminars such as Joyful Parenting Conference 2006 and Great Parenting Seminar 2007, and a wide range of educational institutions including Nanyang Technological University, National Junior College, secondary schools, primary schools and pre-schools. His insights and writings on parenting-related topics have been featured frequently in publications such as Readers’ Digest Asia, Straits Time’s Mind Your Body, Young Parents, Today’s Parents, Family Magazine, Mother and Baby, and Young Families.

To find our more information about Kenny's work, kindly email contactus@advancedparentology.com or visit www.advanceparentology.com and www.parentingwithoutpunishment.org.

Krabi- Best moments part 3( end)

We went to the "Diamond Cave" one afternoon. What a name huh? Indy asked me : will we see any diamond and can we bring it home? . Yeah how I wish!!!

Anyway despite the non diamond thing, the cave it self is so pretty. This time the cave adventure is pretty easy one, there are wooden path way , so we just follow the path way and there are some lights too, but we still need to bring flashlight to be able to spot a good rocks or stalactite.

On the way to Diamond Cave, we say hallo to our new "friend" dum dum , the only dog in Railay.

The way to the cave.

Are you ready? we are going in!

The stalactite. Pretty right?

However, we would not be The Rocco if we don't do a bit of drama. :) My husband knocked his head with the low stalactite and his sunglasses feel off below the pathway. :) He must jump down and took it, and then climb back up. I thought it was a pretty bad knocked he got there, but lucky no blood just a bump .

After that he still manage to go up the rock ( just to impressed the girls )
The day before , Maya cut her foot at the swimming pool edge. Ouch. We clean the cut with alcohol and put plaster over it.

And of course the girls spent a lot of time playing with the sand, well actually me and my dh also play with the sand. We build a "city" , big bath tub, and Indy also made a drawing on the sand. The fun with the sand is endless.

Want to see what do I have here?

TADPOLES!!!!

One of the favorite thing to do in Thailand is to EAT! One the best memory about Thailand is the seafood galore. ^_^ and seafood is great over there. It is not the same style like in Malaysia. Basically we just choose the kind of fish, or prawn, squid etc , they will just grilled it, and the sauce come separately . Normally they will give : garlic butter, green curry, and my favorite the mixture of fish sauce, lime, chili padi and lemon grass!

Not only seafood , there is also the kebab ( beef)
Barracuda. See the middle part is gone! Yup that is our portion ....

This is us, on the last night in Railay, flying the "lantern" hot air balloon. We bought that in Ao Nang . We let go 2 of that balloon.

When we had a great time, time passed very fast. We were at the end of our holiday already. Here are some of the activities that we enjoyed the most :

Playing in front of our cottage

Cleaning time in the jacuzzi.
late afternoon walk


Walking and running at the beach

The last day at Railay, we took the last chance to run freely on the beach, the weather seems to be so perfect right? WRONG!

Soaking wet!!

We took the long tail boat to Nam Ao then in the middle of the sea , a big heavy rain hit! hahaha imagine the coldness and OUR LUGGAGES !! Wet Wet Wet.....

Lucky I put every electronic things in the waterproof bags. It was fun! I am never worry for the kids to catch a cold because of the rain. Cold or flu is cause by virus not by rain. So we just enjoyed it, I was more worried for the luggages and our belongings actually :P

After a great dinner at the night market with our guides. They are getting married next year, and we are invited! Can't wait to go back again. Ate my last authentic Tom Yam there.

We stay our last day in Krabi town, met up with our guides again. We went to dinner at the local night market for the best local food. YUMMY! We left the next morning via Krabi airport to KLIA, then headed back to KK. No delay at all. The journey was smooth and easy.

During this vacation, Indy and Maya learned the basic Thai languages : Sawasdee Krap ( welcome greeting) and Kaprun Ka ( thank you) . They also learned many other things. The most fun is that , they don't even know that they were learning something :P and it was enjoyable at the same time too!

Over all this holiday is great. We did not manage to do all the things we wanted to do. But we didn't do to bad either! We always need to have a lot of compromising when we are traveling with young kids. But it's worth it. There is nothing more satisfying to see the big grin on their face, the delight excitement scream. I must admit it was not so easy for the parents, but again... the kids will just be kids only once, so I think despite all the screaming from the kids ( and parents) we had a great time after all!

What is mom favorite part of the holiday? I always love to just hang in and go around in swimsuit or with cover up dress or t shirt when I need to go to the indoor area ( just to be polite). Being care free and relax. With no make up and no fuss. I love make up but not during holiday by the beach and pool. :P To be able to wear bikini and not to worry that my " girls" suppose to be hanging 10 cm higher or my butt is not it the right place as it used to be. T_T . There are so many other ladies, some are moms, some are young, some are old. But, we were there to have fun and not to show off our body , who cares? We are not in a beauty pageant right?
Well maybe some of them do cares but I care less :P. I am a mom of two, in my early 30, what else can I ask for? I don't have perfect body but I am ok with it ^_^. And I also saw some 50-60 plus ladies still wearing bikini with confidence, that is my idol! They seems to enjoy their time, what the heck with those people staring on their sagging property , right? Go Ladies! My applause for those ladies! And they were so comfortable with their partner , and are enjoying their golden years. I do wish me and my husband can do that one day, when our children are all grown up and have life on their on, we can travel the world still be married and caring for each other.

Ok... wake up from dream, back to reality...... anyway we reached home by 8 at night , both girls were so happy to see their kakak, our dogs and their toys!!!! We all slept like a baby. Home sweet home indeed!

Arrivederci...till our next family adventure!

For fun Aura Color

I took this "quiz" in Facebook, and I got : YELLOW, which I think it is quite accurate :)

Yellows are the sunniest, happiest and most childlike personalities in the color-spectrum. "All I want to do is have some fun!" is a song which is a wonderful representation of Yellows and shows their easy going, light and sunny character. These playful people have a wonderful sense of humor. They love to laugh and intimately enjoy life from many different angles. They advocate relaxation, the pure joy of life and live spontaneously. They are always reminding other people to not take life too seriously and to always look on the bright side. Life and work should both be enjoyed.

While my husband got : RED, which is also very "him"

The more excitement they experience the more alive they will feel. Reds are practical, action-oriented, love to achieve results and be successful. They have an insatiable urge to win and create something valuable and important in their life. Their strong will power and intense, almost unlimited physical energy allows them to be extremely active, persistent and successful in virtually anything they do.

I think the intensity of the RED plus the Playfulness and sense of humor in YELLOW compliment each other yeah? ^_^

It's been a while since.....

..............the last time I post about Adam Lambert. So here we go !!!!!!...........









Ahhh....now it makes my blog looks more " glam" . ^_^. We need abit of glams here or there sometimes right! :-D

Live like we are dying

BRAVO KRIS ALLEN!!!!!! Love this new single! Love the lyrics! And the upbeat happy song is perfect for those un-perfect day. ...

Live like we're dying

Sometimes we fall down and cant get back up
Were hiding behind skin thats too tough
How come we dont say I love you enough
Till its to late, its not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that wont come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And were all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you
What would you wish you would've done

Yeah gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time weve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
Every second counts on a clock thats tickin
Gotta live like were dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell em that we love em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like were dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbyes
Should be so careful who we left out our lives
So when we long for absolution
Therell no one on the line

Yeah gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time weve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
Every second counts on a clock thats tickin
Gotta live like were dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell em that we love em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like were dying

We never know a good thing till its gone
You never see a crash until its head on
All those people right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing till its gone

SELAMAT HARI RAYA IDIL FITRI 1430 H, MINAL AIDIN WAL FAIDZIN to all Muslim friends !!

Just to share

These are the photos my dad took on Sunday ( 1st Syawal) morning during sholat Ied in one of the big " mesjid" near by parent's home in Jakarta.

My father always go there each year during sholat Ied to take picture ( his hobby)

He said he likes the feeling of the love between the people be in Muslim and Non Muslim.

He normally will chat with some of the people. And there is no sign of racist and trashing other religions at all. Which is a good example for us.

Indonesia as we all know is the biggest Muslim country in the world. But there are also Christian/Catholic, Buddhist, Hinduism.

The country , like most of the countries in the world,is still struggling do erase racism ( to erase it 100% seems to be impossible right now) but I think to be able to share one of the most important day for other religion in peace and love is a good start. It is must start with each individual.

My dad taught me to see beyond the horizon and to love beyond the boundaries.

And I believe when we see the world with an open heart, we will capture more loves.

I hope you enjoy the beautiful pictures.

Krabi- Thailand : Best moments part 2

The one thing that we like the most is the adventure we did inside a cave. It is not officially a cave since the top part is open. It is a place in between the limestone. And it was located in one of the part where we only can reach there during low tide. My husband found it accidentally one day when he just wonder around.

The entrance is quite big and I was stunned to know that my husband dare to go in and explore it alone. I was asking him : how do you know it is not a dead end? and how you are so sure it is save? how if you are lost inside? And all that I got from him was "rolled eyes" look in his face.

So the very next day, we waited until the low tide came and we took the kids to explore too. They were very excited of course. " We are going to a cave???"

We went there 2 times and the second time we were there it was raining the day before , so the mud became very slippery. And there is a slop about 1 meter plus , and it was all muddy. First my dh went down, and I passed Indy to him, and then it was Maya's turn, when he hold Maya, he lost his balance ( because of the slippery mud) and both of them slide of the slope. He basically just slide of with Maya in his hand. I was still on the top of the slope , couldn't do a thing , except gasping : oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh.......no!!!
Maya legs got scratches because of the sliding incident , and both of them hit Indy down the slope. No one got harm, except that they were all very dirty of the mud. Maya did cry for a while after that. :)

On the way to the cave, it only can be reach during the low tide, else we can't walk there .
The entrance
Before we going in
Getting busy
Inside the cave. Papa is leading the way with stick in his hand to make sure there are no small dangerous animal creature ( such as snake)
We made it to the other end
This is the way out. We must ducked down and walk slowly .We told the girls to cover their head with their hands
" see... my foot got stucked there between the corals. Ouch! But I am fine! Just got scratches "
Can you spot the rock climber?

The other adventure was going around the Krabi town. It took about 20 minutes from Railay by longtail boat. Then from there , our friendly guide pick us , he and his gf were off that day, and they bring us around. We had a wonderful lunch at the local coffee shop. The best Thai food ever in my life!

At Nao Am Pier.
@ Ao nang..Let me down!!! I am hot!!! And then.....

Maya has decided to go naked!!! She got mild diarrhea the day before, so she was with dispo that day. I don't want to risk it! :P

Mama was busy shopping and this was what they do...

She is a tourist and she enjoyed it! ^_^

We headed to the Park after lunch , and the girls had some art time. And we went to the Krabi town to cool down and have some ice cream after that.

Indy with our new friends.

Maya is the director, she told her dad what color to put.

Green papa, use green!!!!!!

There , you missed one spot!

Very serious Indy

Ta daaa.....the final result.

YAY! I GOT GREEN FACED ULTRAMAN!!!

Cheers to the great job , sis!

This is all mine!!!!

Cute taxi. too bad we got no chance to take this taxi.

After that, we went back to the pier and headed back to Railay. When we reached there , it was low tide . so the boat can't reach the shore. We must walk for a distance . When the boat stopped the water reached mid of my thigh. So my dh must carried both of the girls and walked. I carried our backpacks. When the water subsided , Indy manage to walk alone, but then that part of the beach was very muddy and it was very hard to walk. I got stucked in the mud and my slipper sank into the mud :) . Indy fell more than 3 times , and we laughed and laughed .When Indy fell on her but , I was laughing like a drunk hyena / MUAHAHAHAHAA.....

When we walked back to the hotel, we meet many other tourists and they all laughed at us , and said : oh mine! what an advanture! We all laughed and laughed all the way. And when A couple of tourist laughed and said to Indy : wow! that is dirty! She answered : wait until you see my butt!!!! hahahaahhaaha.....

Maya fell a sleep.
The cute Traffic light

Trapped in the mud!!!

one two one two... we can make it...come on!!!
Dirty girls....wait until you see Indy's butt!!!


look at my feet.....( ok foot.only one can be seen)

Thank you God for everything, and for the food.
Hmmm..... this is so good... life is good.... ^_^