Never do for a child.....

My eldest daughter will be in primary school next year, we already find the school that we tought would be suitable for her. We need still need to register next month actually.
So what's next?

We heard from parents that most of us are nervous because primary is the time for exams, lots homeworks and bully....

In the kindergarten , the teaching styles are more about nurturing and caring beside the academical study. I feels like my girl is in the right environment and in the hand of good care takers and teacher. But when she will enter the primary, "the real schooling year" will just begin....

Have you think of, how to prepare them for schooling age? Is there any skills or lesson you can teach them?

Those years means more stress for kids, more pressure , competition, and challenges in the socializing with friends and peers, and in the older age , that means also to be come popular.

hmm.... why sounds so complicated.

My parenting idea is simple and for some it might be seems as " cold mom" or " non protective enough" but I believe that somehow, our children need to learn some lesson in life on their own.
We just be their guide and confidant. But I prefer , if it is the right matter, to let them deal with it first, before we , as parents will get involve.

During our life we met, meet or will meet some cruel, cold hearted and mean people and it is depends on us how to deal with them. In our children life, that is the same. You know some times kids are just being kids, and some how in the school ( as early as in kindergarten) they can make fun of other kids , making fun on their names, on their look, try to take their stuffs, try to scare them and so on

In my dd kindergarten years, she's been a victim as well, her friends make fun on her surname as in Rocco, as in " ROKOK" in bahasa Malaysia. My first reaction? I almost burst in to laugh!
In my mind....how creative these kids now a days! indiana ROKOK.....muahahahahahaha....( then I realized how early they knew about ROKOK)
but anyway, I didn't laugh of course infront of my dd. Because she seems to be pretty upset. And asked me to change her family name, because her friends were making fun of it. I told her that, I know how she feel , but we cant change our name, specially our surname just like that. That name belongs to your great grandfather and your grandfather and your father and now it belongs to you.We should be proud of it. But then she said : yaaa mom...but it sounds like ROKOK the cigarretes!!!
I told her to tell her friends that it is not nice to make fun of somebody's name, and they should stop that. And that is not nice.

She did that , and I never heard she is complaining about her Surname anymore afterthat ( this thing happened I think about 5-6 months ago). I could just go to the teacher and complain about this , to defend my girl , and ask the teacher to talk to those kids. Or I can just show up in the school and ask my dd which are the kids that make fun of her name and I give talk to them.But I prefer to let my daughter to deal with it first, let her try to speak , and if it's fail of course I will help her without being too intrusive .

I believe most of you been in this kind of situation more or less. Some being hit, or bite, some got problem with their belongings at school ( some one try to " borrow" it ) and even worse being "force" to borrow their thing to others.

Kids now adays are more mean. Is it because of TV influence? or is it dealing with stress? The pressure for them start early . The got tons of homeworks , test, and teacher expect them to excell within minimum of time and we , as parents, want them to be the best in their test, as well to behave good and do their homework on time, finish each meal without being picky, and do great in music or other activities. And for some others kids the stress could come from problem in their family, divorce, sudden lost of family member etc.

For some kids , they seems to handle it without a flaw. But for others it can be a struggle.
Stress in children can triggers some of these behaviour : lie, bully, defy authority, aggresive, create a bad behaviour, withdrawn from their friends.

One thing I notice about my dd, she is an independent girl, and she likes to handle the problem her self. This is in a way good or not good. If she got some problem at school, she will tell me about it, and I offer her some advice. Then she will solve it on her own. Some how I like to test her, and said I will help you and I will talk and ask you teacher about it. She said : no need ma, I will ask my self. Don't worry. Which , of course, without her knowledge , I go and ask to her teacher, just to follow up. The teacher told me that she handle the problem really well and said that Indiana is one brave and independent girl. And she has a good self confidence.
Well I think it is a good things. I hope she can keep that until she is big.

I think it is a good way, to let our children learn a lesson on their own. And to teach them that , they , sometimes, don't need our help all the time. Some how they can do it on their own. But we as parents will always be there for them. The same with my 2nd dd, she is now a stuborn 2 years old. And very very self focused at this time , all are ME, MY SELF AND I oh and NOW!.She try to climb, run, open and close everything that she could. Sometimes when she want to do something, I just stand at the back, I let her do things on her own, when she stumble or are gonna to fall, I will be there to catch her. But I won't do everything for her, I let her try first.


I know some of you may heard this story , about parents who told their only son, what he needs to do is to study study and study and to be the number one in the school. And let mommy take care of the rest. So this boy , just know how to study, while the other aspect of his life being taken care by his parents. At home, he always got the best food served on the table, all according to his taste, the bath are always ready for him in the right temperature, the towel, pants and everything will prepare for him. He doesn't need to worry about transport to and come back from school, because mommy will take care of everything . This is not just happen during the primary years but continue to his college years. Mom thinks that, if her son doing something else rather than studying, he will just waste his time. So she will take care of the other things for him. From food, laundry, buying underpants, socks, pants, paying his phone bills.
The son graduated from his college with excellent result and then got a good job at one top company in the other part of the country. When hi goes there, he doing a good job , but struggle to deal with everyday situation , he never knows how to boil an egg, cook an instant noodle, operate a washing machine, or microwave, or buy his own underpants or sock or shoes, or clothing, he doesn't even know what size he is wearing. He never learn all of that, because everytime he wants to do that, his mom always shooed him away and said let mommy take care of this, this is not important, your just give me a good grade, pass all the test and graduate and be the best in your school/college. He also never deal with his sosializing problem during his school years, since his mom will take care all of his problem with his friends or teacher, and also his mom will help him to choose who to be friends with, what book to read, what place to go etc.
The first time when he wrote his mom a letter, it was : Mommy, I was graduated from college, and got my degree, but I was just enroll in REAL LIFE as in pre Kindergarten. I wish you let me learn those things before.

I think , what I want to say in one short sentence is :
Never do for a child what he 's capable of doing for himself

And yes, that is one of the Montessori Method is about. I read about that from Cel's blog.

And I think by letting them to "help" me or the maid doing some of the house chores will also build their self confident too! Even it is just to crack an egg during cookies making session, put a key into my bag, bring me my mobile etc. And to see their proud faces after that , is so much fun ( plus Lil Maya will say : maya elp mama!!)

" Experience is a hard teacher because it gives the test first and the lesson afterward"